MOORE of my thoughts and pictures

Hope That Doesn't Disappoint.

2011-09-09T18:56:00.000-07:00

I read an article this morning (click here) about an astronaut who was in the space station during the 9/11 attacks on New York City. He spoke about looking down seeing smoke billowing into space. He says he knew something was wrong, but was unsure of what, until a little later when he was informed of what had happened. He said, "The most overwhelming feeling being where I am is one of isolation, the feeling that I should be there with all of you, dealing with this, helping in some way, is overwhelming."
His thoughts on being isolated during that experience made me do some thinking. How would I have felt if I had been in the space station when I learned about what was happening? What if I had had no one to share my hurt, fear, and sadness with? How many people went through that tragedy with no one else around to support them? How many people have hard times and tragic situations and are unable to share their fears with anyone? I can't imagine.
I occassionally have days when I feel like I have no one to turn to, but it's in those time I am reminded that I am never alone. My God is always there. His word says that He will never leave me nor forsake me. (Deuteronomy 31:6) This promise from scripture gives hope for all the weary.
I have been thinking alot about Hope lately. Hope that does not disappoint. I have not experienced much disappointment in life, but I can tell you the little I have experienced was really painful. The last time I experienced severe disappointment left me down for a good couple of months. I tried to be consoled by friends and my mom, but the only true consolation came from my time with my God. It was in that low point in my life that I experienced God in an amazing way, when I truly understood Hope for the first time.
People place their hopes and dreams on any number of things. Children long for good grades and good abilities to make their parents/teachers/coaches love them. Girls long for beauty so they will be loved. Guys hope for strength to impress people. Women hope for a husband to fulfill their future. Men hope for money to provide for their families. People long for approval and acceptance from others. The list can go on and on. Those hopes and longings may provide a temporary fix for an emptiness in their lives but, eventually those grades, that beauty, strength, money, husband, family, or approval will disappoint. Eventually it will not be enough. Eventually we begin to look to be fulfilled by something or someone else. We are never fulfilled.
The only Hope that will never disappoint, the only Hope that will never fail is Jesus Christ. His sacrfice, His love, His will are perfect. 1 Timothy 4: 8 - 10 says, "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. 9 This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. 10 That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe."
Our hope is not in the things of this world. They won't last. The only hope we have is in Christ Jesus. Hope that His promises are true, hope that doesn't disappoint. Because of this Hope, despite the circumstance, I am able to live my life and serve others. Because of this Hope, this relationship with Christ, I am never alone. I may feel lonely, I may feel isolated, but even in those instances I always have Hope.
I feel sorry for those without this Hope. I am sad for those who feel isolated and alone. They don't have to be. You don't have to be.

31 years… wow…

2011-07-21T22:58:00.001-07:00

Sitting up watching the clock roll to midnight, I turn 31 years old. To some that seems ancient, to others I’m a youngin’, to me it seems unreal that I have reached this point in my life. Many times, I feel like I don’t have anything to show for 31 years of living but, I know this isn’t true, but I am so easily distracted and sucked into this life and forget how truly blessed I am.

Thankfully, I have been and am surrounded by people that like to remind me of what an amazing life I have. I need this reminder, because even though I know God always provides exactly what I need, I look at others with a jealous longing for what they have. I didn’t intend to become like this, but living in a world where people expect to have everything they want and need I am always bombarded by worldly things.

Not all the worldly things/ desires I have are inherently evil, but when I allowed them to consume my thoughts and make me take for granted my salvation, my relationship with Christ, and the blessings He has given, it is then evil. I’m not saying that to desire is bad, but when it consumes your thoughts it is.

This year I have experienced a lot of struggle and loss and never really had time to mourn it and process through it. This summer, God has finally allowed for that time to process. Some of the processing has been easy. I have relaxed and rested. I have read. I have sat quietly and listened. Some, not so easy. I have cried. I have remembered my struggles and loss. I have allowed the circumstances of this year to cause me to fear. My fears took ahold of me on a couple of occasions, but it was in those moments that I could only cry out to God and ask for His help.

In both instances God listened and calmed my anxiousness. In both instances, I met a peace that overwhelmed me. I’ve got a long way to go. I don’t know what my future holds, but I am learning to trust my Maker. I am learning to let go of the things that I hold dear and place them in His hands. I am learning that life is a vapor, that things become fragile, they don’t last forever. I am (slowly) learning to accept this.

God is good, His gifts are good, His ways are good, He is always faithful.

Psalm 33: 4-5 “For the word of the LORD is right and true; He is faithful in all He does. The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of His unfailing love."

Life is a vapor and it’s really easy to get caught up in this place that we are only passing through, so in all the remainder of life's struggles and I need to remember this quote by Elisabeth Elliot “God is God. If He is God, He is worthy of my worship and service. I will find rest nowhere but in His will, and that will is infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to."

So today at the start of year 31, I choose to trust Him and accept all the way my Savior leads me whether the way be straight, crooked, uphill, or downhill.

One more quote from Elisabeth Elliot. “If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next. God is forever luring us up and away from this one, wooing us to Himself and His still invisible Kingdom, where we will certainly find what we so keenly long for."
~Kristen

B is for Blessed

2011-05-22T06:48:00.001-07:00

Today we celebrated our first Sunday in our new church building. It was an exciting morning and just a great time of worship and fellowship. This whole week has been a great time of fellowship with church members who stopped in to work at the church to get it ready for today.

After the service this morning, I stopped in the sound booth to talk to Minnie, my pastor’s wife. I consider Minnie my Korean mother. She is a remarkable woman who struggles daily with horrible rheumatoid arthritis, while trying to care for her family (my pastor had a stroke 2 years ago and has battled seizures and falls since then, but is getting better daily, Praise the Lord) and help out with church. As I stuck my head in to chat with her, I said, “You look like you are feeling good today Minnie!” She said, “No, Kristen, I feel so bad, but I am looking around at all the blessings of today.” I said, “You are happy that Joanna (oldest daughter) is home for Grace’s (youngest daughter) graduation.” She said, “Absolutely, but I am also looking at all the other blessings of today. The new building and elevator. All of the people that are here.” She went on to list this long list of blessings. I had no words to describe what I felt to hear her, who has struggled so much rejoicing in the blessings of the day. All I could do was cry.

What an example she is to me, such an encouragement to all of us who know her. This conversation has had me thinking all day about how blessed I am and how easily I let circumstances or struggle dictate my focus. I am blessed beyond measure for so many reasons, but even if I only could say that I have salvation in Jesus Christ and will spend eternity in heaven with Him, I would still be blessed beyond measure.

So on that note, I want to share some of the blessings in my life.

~ I am blessed to know that God answer prayers, in the case of our new church building, we have prayed for many years for a better facility with an elevator (our former building was on the 4th floor with no elevator and the steepest stairs known to man) and God provided. Not only did He provide for the facility, it was remodeled, and moved into within a two week time span. In another case, two of my colleagues and friends, after many years of praying to have children and struggling to conceive were blessed just two weeks ago with not one bundle of joy, but two precious children – one boy and one girl – and on Mother’s day.

~I am blessed to have family and friends who pray for me. Life is difficult, but I know that at any given point there is someone praying for me.

~I get to do the one thing I always dreamed of doing – coaching – practically everyday.

~My students bring a smile to my face everyday. I love them so much and am so thankful that I get to teach them.

~Zumba – I know, it’s a silly exercise program, but I am so blessed to be able to do it here. It is a fun, healthy release and I’m learning just how much I love to dance – even if I am terrible at it. I look forward to it all day long.

There are so many more. What are some of your blessings?

Waiting Here for You… Jesus

2011-05-22T06:01:00.001-07:00

It’s no secret, especially for those of you who know me well, that this year has been a struggle for me. I have been up and then down and then back up for a bit, then I seem to get pulled back in again. Each time I come up I feel like I’ve learned so much and that my heart is set and settled firmly in God, then something simple will happen and there I go again. Recently I’ve started to come to terms with this struggle, to accept it, to let go (even though, I thought I had already done so), but it hasn’t been without a battle.

Always faithful, God continues to speak directly to my heart through this. A couple of weeks ago a friend posted this song called “Waiting Here For You” by Christy Nockels from the most recent Passion album. Since then I can barely stop listening to it. There is just something about this song that draws me. I think it’s the reality that life on earth is temporary and in reality we are all, as believers in Christ or as non believers, waiting here for His return.

I’ve thought about this a lot this past year. It all started with the death of my Great Aunt Audrey and my Grandmother, but has continued through the school year throughout many circumstances, including this struggle I have been going through the last few months. A while back, in a conversation with another friend she said something to the effect of, these struggles certainly make you long more for eternity. That statement, I wish I could remember it better, has been at the back of my thoughts since then. It’s such a true statement, as I’ve continued in this struggle I long more and more for eternity.

Today in Sunday school, we were studying several reasons Jesus had to die. It was an interesting lesson, with my English/Korean speaking kids trying to translate to my non-English speakers. Through God’s grace, I think the basic points were translated. The reasons Jesus had to die were simple, but very profound. In order to help the students understand the first reason Jesus had to die, we went back to the story of Adam and Eve and how sin entered our world. We did our best to explain that because sin entered God’s perfectly created world, it became a part of all of our lives.

Thinking of this brought my thoughts back to this struggle that I have been going through. When we struggle we often wonder why we have to go through the circumstance and why it hurts so much. Well, the reason is, because of our sins, which have led this once perfectly created world to be in shambles. This sin in our lives separates us from God making death inescapable and making life so difficult. This separation from God has left a big void in our lives a void that we try to fill with anything and everything. However, what we try to fill it with will never fill the void, it might mask the emptiness for a short time, but all it does is provide a temporary fix. No matter how much we try, the void can only be completely filled by Jesus Christ.

So why do we long for His return? To be completely filled and to no longer hurt and to no longer have to say goodbye to those that we love, to no longer long for anything because there is nothing, absolutely nothing that can us satisfy more than God.

So on that note, I will continue to wait, in hope and expectation from the only One who can satisfy. Not waiting and hoping for some earthly event to happen. I will still battle, but I am so thankful to know, “that the Lord of all creation knows my heart, the Author of Salvation has loved me from the start.”

Waiting Here for You–Christy Nockels–Passion 2011

~Kristen

This one’s for you…

2011-05-07T07:30:00.001-07:00

Momma!

In honor of Mother’s day, I want to share with you, just what I think. (You know this might make you laugh, but more than likely it will make your cry, better get the tissues… I already need some…)

I think you are amazing. I love you so dearly. I am thankful for your constant prayers and support. I miss you so much. I cannot wait until June 14th. I know life hasn’t been easy, but you have proved just how far faith in our God can carry us. I am thankful that you chose to “give me to the Lord” when I was born. Even if that means I might be single for all eternity. I love laughing with you and at you. I love your food (clearly). I love how you love each of us – even when others might disagree – even when we’ve hurt you – even when I am being the bratty baby sister – even when I don’t get my way. I love that you are so dependable, even when you do too much and probably shouldn’t be working two jobs. I love that your heart is for missions. I love that you pray for me daily. I love that you will stop and pray for me any time I ask – even if you are at work. I love that everyone thinks you are an “Angel” – we know the truth, lol. I love it when you say bad words, teehehe, especially when Mr. Frank hears you. I love it that you tell me that, “They let anybody be missionaries, huh, Krissy.” I love it that you call me Krissy. I am thankful for your faithfulness, even though it has not been easy (you know what I mean), it has been an example to me and has directed me to look at and rely on God’s faithfulness. I love that you kept me living close to Grandmother and Granddaddy all my life. I love you as much as you love your mother. Oh, I miss her so much. I can’t even imagine how much you miss her. I think you are beautiful and I hope that I am half as beautiful as you are when I’m your age. It makes me happy when people tell me that you are so “pretty”, so “beautiful”, so “young looking” – cause you are. It makes me happy when people tell me I look like you. I love it that you tell me you think I’m pretty, even though you are required to say it because you are my mother. I love listening to you sing. I love music and singing to this day because of your love for singing. I love singing with you in the car (in church it’s okay, but it’s really scary…) I love that I can talk to you about everything. I am thankful to God for you and that you direct me to Him always. Thank you for everything you have done to raise me and help me as an adult. I promise to put you in a good home some day. HA! I love, love, love, love, love you!

~Krissy

It’s not about you, Kristen…

2011-05-07T06:56:00.001-07:00

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. The last time I blogged, I was in a deep struggle, it started out with a trivial matter that unraveled into this whirlwind of brokenness and emptying of myself. However, as a measure of His great grace and mercy, God used those weeks (which felt like months and years) to empty me so that I might be filled with Him.

In the months that have followed, there has been a constant battle within me, a roller coaster of sorts. Some days have been good, while others were just pure misery. I kind of got stuck in a pattern of going through the motions, just letting the time pass until I could go home and heal.

As life happened, God began to put a message in my heart. A message to myself, a message that I shared during staff devotions a couple of weeks ago. The message even further pressed into my thoughts as Easter rolled around and I was reminded of Jesus. Of His great sacrifice. Of the hope of His resurrection. The message…

My life is not my own, I was bought with a price. I am alive because of Him and His grand plan. I no longer live for Kristen, but I live for Jesus. Therefore, I need to stop living in this rut, I need to remember my calling and get to work.

I may not fully understand my previously mentioned struggle, but I do know that part of it was to reveal in me, just where my heart was and who it was that I was living for. I fully intended to be living for Him, but too often it is for me…

(Funny that the first line of the song that JUST came on says, “I’m the great pretender, I act out my life like I’m the star of the play…”)

Recently the wound from before was reopened. It hurt a little, not as bad as before, but that sting of pain helped me to get refocused again. And almost immediately (as before) God revealed Himself to me. This time a quote from a dear colleague, friend, & brother in Christ got the message to me. The quote, “Take care of the things that are dear to God, and He will take care of the things that are dear to you.”

That quote shifted my focus and reminded me of the message that God had put on my heart before. My life is not about me. According to scripture, I was dead in my sin, but because of His great love I am alive. And for some unknown reason He chose to call me and use me. He’s asked me to care for what is dear to Him. Am I doing that? If I’m focused on Kristen and making her happy, then no. If I’m focused on Him and living my life to make His name known in this world, then Yes.

Question of the day: Am I taking care of the things of God? Do I trust that He will take care of that things that are dear to me?

Here is the devotion I shared with the staff. It’s pretty explanatory, but if you need further explaination, just ask! Push the play/forward button to start the show!

Soul Music II

2011-02-23T17:08:00.000-08:00

A friend sent me a link to this video. What a beautiful song.

In You Alone - Kim Hill

I lift my eyes when I am troubled

I lift my hands, I lift my heart

And there I stand knowing nothing can defeat me

Just as long as I know where You are

In You alone

Is where I find my comfort

In You alone

You're my only hope

In You alone

My heart has found a resting place

In You alone

So I won't fear though darkness hides me

No, I won't let my courage sway

For You are near and at the brightness of Your glory

The shadows of the night melt away

In You alone

Is promise I can cling to

In You alone

You're my security

In You alone

My soul has found a dwelling place

Only in You alone

What could separate me from Your love?

Neither life nor death, nor anything at all

Anything at all

In You alone

Is where I find my comfort

In You alone

You're my only hope

In You alone

My heart has found a resting place

Only in You alone

Soul Music

2011-02-23T16:12:00.000-08:00

God has been dealing with some issues in my life. It's been a battle, but He is good. He is faithful.
In my last blog, I wrote about how God has used music to flood my soul with His truth. I'm gonna take some time to post the lyrics , verses or maybe even videos of some of the songs He's used to speak truth to me.
Here is one that I just listened to today.

Bless the Lord

Laura Story

You give and take away for my good
For who am I to say what I need?
For You alone see the hidden parts of me
that need to be stripped away.

And as You begin to refine
I’m learning to let go and rely
on One who walks with me
As hard as it may be,
You’re teaching me all the while to say:

Bless the Lord, Oh my soul
All that’s in me bless Your name
Forget not Your power untold
not Your glory or Your fame
For You came to heal the broken
to redeem and make me whole
Bless the Lord, Oh my soul

Singing To My Soul

2011-02-20T05:23:00.001-08:00

I love music. I love buying old and new music and I buy lots of it – I used to get it in “other” ways until in college, when my Grandmother said, “Kris, I think that’s stealing. You should probably stop.” I did. That was a long time ago. You can’t go against Grandmother’s words.

One of the reasons I love music is because I love singing. I love singing in the shower, I love singing as I drive down the road. I love singing as I walk to and fro. I love singing on praise team at my church. I loved singing along side my Grandmother. I love singing with my Momma. I love singing with friends as we take summer road trips together. I love singing and dancing in the Noraebang (singing room) here in Korea.

My love of singing has grown exponentially over the years as I have gained confidence singing on the praise team at my church here in Korea. Another reason I love to sing, is because I find it cleansing to my soul.

As most of my friends and family know, it doesn’t take a lot to make me cry. I’m a very sensitive girl – even though I’d love to hide that part of me from everyone – and it doesn’t take a whole lot to get the waterworks started. I’ve always been embarrassed by that fact. One of my favorite people, Mr. Miller is always telling me to “Just let it out girl, just let it out.” I always laugh at him and continue in my vain attempts at trying to hide it.

My sensitivity has led me to some extremely emotional times, but I think this past week has been one of my worst. It’s partially hormonal, but mostly God has been unveiling in me a horrible, terrible, no good sin problem. My sin, which has led to so many others, is that I treasure all else above Him. I never thought I had it so bad, but as He has stripped me of the things I held dearest (kind of like pulling off a Band-Aid – one that’s been stuck on for a while) my heart was torn in half.

This loss of the things I held dearest (and honestly, I didn’t realize just how tightly I was holding onto the hope of those things) has left me feeling empty and broken. I’ve cried enough tears to flood a large fish tank. I’ve felt sick, I struggled to breath. (Some of you may be ready to send me to the crazy hospital. Please don’t, pray for me instead.) I’ve beat myself up (emotionally – I’m too much of a wuss to actually harm myself), I’ve kicked myself for being so stupid.

I feel like Eustace from C.S. Lewis’ Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Eustace was turned into a dragon. The only way he could be turned back into a boy is for Aslan (represents Jesus/God) to use his claws to rip the scales off of Eustace. I’ve been a dragon lately, too. Thankfully though, as God is stripping me of the hope I’ve been clinging to (not hope in Him, but hope in the temporary) I am being turned into the girl God intends for me to be.

In my emptiness and loneliness, God has met me and and has begun filling me with Himself. He has provided exactly the right people to cry with me, to love me in my craziness, to speak truth to me. He has spoken to me through His word, through our school devotions, my personal devotions, my discipleship time with the girls, through Sunday school. Mostly though, He has met me through music.

Song after song reminds me of His goodness, His mercy, His strength, His faithfulness, His love. Songs that I’ve heard many times before are now clearly speaking truth to my life, reminding me to turn to Him, reminding me of His goodness. Praise team practice became therapeutic as I sang things like, “Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side” and “You are the one who formed my heart, long before my birth” and “I need Thee, O I need Thee, every hour I need Thee, O bless me now my Savior, I come to thee”

I’m so thankful for the gift of music, and I’m thankful to be able to sing all the time, but mostly I’m thankful that God uses the things we love the most to speak truth into our lives – or to sing into our souls.

Sleepless is Nokyang Dong

2011-02-14T10:34:00.000-08:00

I'm wide awake at 2:47am... this can't be good...

I've been praying for a long time that my focus will be on God first, yet I haven't taken every measure to let go of some things that have been hindering that focus. Yesterday, I was hit face first with one of the things that has been hindering my focus. Something that by any account is considered good. However, I took that good thing and I clung to it in hopes of it becoming mine. What I didn't realize though was that I had put my hope in that thing. That's bad.

It's pretty rough, when you realize the truth about yourself. Initially you want to blame other people, but eventually you see, you were the one who lost their way, who lost their focus. Once you realize that, you feel like the world is about to fall out from under your feet, you feel like there is no solid place to stand. I'm so thankful for friends and a Momma who understand your pain, who listen to you cry, who point you to the One who understands it all.

After those conversations, I poured my heart out to God. Not asking why things are the way they are, but asking why I always lose my focus, why I allow my heart to hope for the temporary and not the Eternal. In response He filled my heart and my mind with His word...

A text from another friend:
Isaiah 40:31
31but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

The verse on my journal page:
Psalm 33:20 (Italics mine)
My soul waits for the Lord; He is my help and my shield.

Favorite verses painted, sitting by my bedroom door:
Psalm 94:14
When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.

Psalm 37:23
The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way.

Verses that came to mind:
James 4:8
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

I went to sleep repeating these over and over. Then I woke up at 2:15am - thoughts running rampant - now I'll try to sleep again with this verse in my heart and mind.

Psalm 39:7 But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in You.

I may have lost my focus and tried to place my hope in the temporary, but I know and will continue to remind myself that my hope is not built on the temporary, my hope is in Christ alone. The one and only firm foundation. The Solid Rock.

Life is hard…

2011-01-21T15:48:00.001-08:00

But God is good!

Our school family has undergone a tragic loss in the past two days. Our director’s wife suffered an aneurysm during a lunch meeting on Thursday and passed away on Friday evening. It is so shocking and so sad, but through the past two days we have seen God’s mighty hand at work. We prayed for a miracle healing and while we didn’t see that we saw something even mightier. We saw the church from all over the world pulling together in prayer for this family, we saw God’s grace and peace evident in family members.

Friday was a long, hard day for all of us at school. The gravity of this tragedy hit us all students and teachers alike. Friday afternoon, I was on Facebook, watching for updates and I saw that one of my students had posted “Life is hard…” and I had one immediate thought, “Yes it is, but God is good.”

Later in the evening, I was having a conversation with another teacher, we were talking about how God supplies the grace and peace we need through the hard times. We both have experienced the loss of a loved one and both are amazed at the calm that can only come from God during that painful time. We both asked the question, “How do people go through this without the hope that we have?”

After that conversation and several hours of staring mindlessly at the TV, I went to bed with the thought, “Life is hard, but God is good.” I had trouble falling asleep and kept thinking of all the ways life is hard. That is morbid thinking, but what followed was precious. What followed were thoughts of how God is good through each of those hard times.

We lose loved ones, but God provides the strength to endure, to calm and peace that passes all understanding, the wisdom to be able to function despite our confusion and hurt. We have financial hardships, God provides exactly what we need, when we need it. We have health problems, God heals or provides the strength to endure. We are lonely, God reminds us that we are never lonely. We are confused, God provides wisdom. We are empty, God fills us. We are exhausted, God provides rest. We are anxious, God gives us peace.

That list can go on and on, but with each struggle – God provides what is good. He provides what is good, because He is good. My final thought before falling asleep was the chorus to a song, that is always a joy to sing, a song that I heard every morning at the hotel in the Philippines on my last trip there,

God is good, all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good, all the time

Life is hard, but God is good. He is our ever present help in times of trouble. He is our comforter. He is our great provider. He is our healer. He gives good gifts to His children.

My boss, his family, our school are in for hard times, but we all trust in God’s unfailing goodness. Please continue to pray with us and for us during this hard time.

Ahh Refreshment…

2011-01-09T05:26:00.001-08:00

A week ago I was in Manila, Philippines. Probably just getting back to the hotel after a day filled with ministry. I went with a group of students and fellow teachers on a mission trip to work alongside Abundant Life Baptist Church in San Mateo. This was the 3rd trip I had taken there and while one of the busiest, it also one of the most encouraging, refreshing times I have had.

One of my students posted in our Facebook group (yes, every group needs a Facebook group page) a question for the newspaper, “What is one word you think of when you think of our trip?” People’s responded with words like amazing, joy, unselfish, friendship. The word that has stayed with me since last Sunday was refreshing.

Last Sunday morning during worship with ALBC, we sang a song called Times of Refreshing. Here are the lyrics:

Time of refreshing
Here in Your presence;
There's no greater blessing
Than being with You.
My soul is restored
My mind is renewed;
There's no greater joy Lord, than being with You.

This trip provided that for me. You might say, how can a mission trip where you are surrounded by crowds of people, in a poverty stricken country bring refreshment? Well, refreshment for me came in seeing the joy of the Lord on the faces of the members of ALBC, in seeing what a little love, affection, and giving can do for children (and parents) who have absolutely nothing. It came in seeing some serious praising happening each day when we were out in the communities and with the church on Sunday morning (I mean I wanted to dance… I’m a Southern Baptist can I do that?) Refreshment showed up when I was reminded of my calling, as a teacher, a teacher seeing her students learn what it means to serve and give sacrificially.

After a difficult year, this type of refreshment was exactly what I needed. Encouragement through seeing God at work in the lives of people in the Philippines. Refreshment in seeing my students choose to give of themselves for others. Reviving of my own faith.

In the past couple of days I’ve come across a couple of songs that really speak what I’m feeling. Here are the lyrics to one of them.

Say, Say by Kristian Stanfill

Some hope in what their eyes can see,
We hope in the Glorious unseen--
In a risen and returning King.
Some are chasing the treasures of this world,
We run to a Glorious reward,
The only name worth living for.
Say! Say!
Say, Say, Say you believe it.
Sing for the whole world to hear it.
We know and we declare it
Jesus is King.
Say, say, say you believe it.
Sing loud, sing like you mean it.
We know and we declare it
Jesus is King.
Say! Say!
We set our hearts on what will last,
Your Word, Your Love, Your Faithfulness,
Our hope is built on nothing less.
We open wide our mouths to praise
Let this generation raise
A song of freedom all our days.
C'mon, Say! Say!
Say, Say, Say you believe it.
Sing for the whole world to hear it.
We know and we declare it
Jesus is King.
Say, say, say you believe it.
Sing loud, sing like you mean it.
We know and we declare it
Jesus is King.

And here is a video for another:

Chris Tomlin–The Name of Jesus

If you want to see pictures you can look at my Facebook albums:

#1 #2 or #3

May you be refreshed today! Enjoy!

Lawlessness...

2010-12-19T16:15:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had one of those moments where you read your Bible and go, woah? I had one of those yesterday morning. It's kind of been a while for me since I had one of those overwhelming moments, so it was cool. It kind of felt like at that moment, God decided to unveil my eyes so I could see a little more of the bigger picture. It was quite exciting!
The basics of this information, I already knew. But it was just made so much more clear. The new "to me" information was found in Galatians 3: 24 - 4:7. I didn't (and still don't) really know why God made this information clear to me, but hopefully as I ponder it more, I will begin to know.

Here is the passage "24Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, so that we may be justified by faith. 25But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor. 26For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's descendants, heirs according to promise.
1Now I say, as long as the heir is a child, he does not differ at all from a slave although he is owner of everything, 2but he is under guardians and managers until the date set by the father. 3So also we, while we were children, were held in bondage under the elemental things of the world. 4But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law,5so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. 6Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" 7Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God."

So I read that and then I wrote this in my journal.
"Learned something new today - not quite sure of the significance but need to write it out. 3:24 says, Therefore the law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, so that we may be justified by faith. The Bible commentary explains that the word tutor came from the Greek word  paidagogoß which meant child-discipler or leader. In the Greek and Roman world the pedagogue was the guardian in the education and life of a minor (probably one who was an heir to wealth.) Basically, the child was considered a slave/property until a certain date which had been set by the father.
Well the same is true for the law, it was set as our tutor until we are adopted as sons/daughters in Christ.
However the Bible commentary and Galatians continue to say that just like the child did, when he became the 'son', so do we when we became sons and daughters of Christ. We resort back to our old ways in fear of the law or tutor. However we are no longer under the law, but rather the Father.
So the best question for me to ask - which Paul asked in Galatians 4:9 "But now that you have come to know God, or rather be known by God, how is it that you turn back again to the weak and worthless elemental things, to which you desire to be enslaved all over again?" "
This whole lesson spells out freedom; freedom in Christ. The law of the Old Testament was given to help people realize that there is no earthly way to keep all the rules. We are sinful people and we fail so easily. If we live by the law (and if you aren't an adopted son or daughter of Christ - you follow the law), then the consequence of sin/failure is death. Very harsh, but that's the law. The consequence of sin is death. The only way to be saved from this punishment, is Jesus. He is the only true source of salvation. We look for it in other places, but nothing else works. Thankfully though, Jesus took care of that on the cross. He endured hardship, pain, suffering, terror, agony, loneliness - more than we could ever imagine - to save His people (us) from their (our) sins.  His death and resurrection are part of the foundation of our freedom in Christ. Scripture says that if we believe that Jesus is God's son, He died and rose again, we can be saved from the consequence of sin. Yeah, our earthly bodies will die, but our spirits will remain with Christ in eternity.

As a believer, I so easily get tied down in trying to follow "the rules" of what makes a good Christian. I think many of us do. However, we (those who have been "known by God") do have freedom.  Freedom in Christ means assurance of an eternity with him. It means that we are forgiven of our sins/failures. We don't have to try and be good. We may do good for a while, but inevitebly we'll fail. He has freed us from having to try and keep all of the laws perfectly. Of course we should have a code of conduct for our lives. But we have freedom and hope that can not be found anywhere else, other than through Jesus Christ.

A Voyage to the movies

2010-12-17T15:40:00.000-08:00

Finally Christmas break has arrived!
Yesterday after lunch, I came home, found something to watch and fell asleep. An hour later I woke up and then wasted my afternoon away watching tv in my bed. Part of me was torn, feeling like I should be doing something, part of me was too lazy to actually do anything. Thankfully the lazy side of me had stronger pull on my body than the other side.

I always seem to find that feeling when things come to an end - end of semesters, school years, sports seasons, or after spending months planning for something. This feeling I had - the feeling that I needed to be doing something left me in a state where I felt a little empty, a little lonely, a little like I had no purpose. I know none of those feelings are truth because my life is full, scripture tells me that I am never alone (Deuteronomy 31:8 "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”), and even yesterday morning in devotions, I watched a video about my ministry here - that is my purpose, for now.

After I lazed the afternoon away, I got up and then Dawn and I went downtown to go watch Voyage of the Dawn Treader. The newest in the Chronicles of Narnia films. We were a little worried, that we might get sea sick watching it in 3D, but it was actually a lot of fun. The film was great and it really made me do some thinking. Thinking about my purpose in life, about my relationship with Christ, about the sin in my life, how easily I give in to temptation. I won't give away the story, to those of you who haven't read the book or watched the movie, but let me just say, the struggles they face in the movie are definitely struggles that we face in our own lifes. Maybe we are not battling storms at sea and sea monsters, but we are definitely battling the voice of evil that draws us in to worry, leads us to fear, tugs at us to be at war with one another.

Of course, in the end it is Aslan who works in others to save the day. Thankfully in reality we have an Aslan of our own who works in us to save us, too. I was reminded of our (believers in Christ) ever present help in times of trouble, (Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble."), who has a plan for us. (Psalm 19:21 "Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.")

I'm thankful for the way that God uses circumstances and movies (among other things) to teach life lessons. When I'm feeling a little empty, a little lonely, a little purposeless - I know where I can find the answers. All I need to do is ask. Jeremiah 33: 2-3, "I made the earth, formed it, and set it in place. My name is the Lord. This is what the Lord says: Call to me, and I will answer you. I will tell you great and mysterious things that you do not know."

Love? Really?

2010-12-03T18:13:00.000-08:00

Recently a friend of mine, posted this video.

Recently I read 1 John 11 - 21. It says, "11Dear friends, if this is the way God loved us, we must also love each other. 12No one has ever seen God. If we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us. 13We know that we live in him and he lives in us because he has given us his Spirit. 14We have seen and testify to the fact that the Father sent his Son as the Savior of the world. 15God lives in those who declare that Jesus is the Son of God, and they live in God. 16We have known and believed that God loves us. God is love. Those who live in God’s love live in God, and God lives in them. 17God’s love has reached its goal in us. So we look ahead with confidence to the day of judgment. While we are in this world, we are exactly like him with regard to love. 18No fear exists where his love is. Rather, perfect love gets rid of fear, because fear involves punishment. The person who lives in fear doesn’t have perfect love.19We love because God loved us first. 20Whoever says, “I love God,” but hates another believer is a liar. People who don’t love other believers, whom they have seen, can’t love God, whom they have not seen. 21Christ has given us this commandment: The person who loves God must also love other believers."

When I watched that video, I thought back to that passage and realized how far I fall short of God's love, every day. I was reminded that I am generally self-seeking, impatient, easily angered, proud, unforgiving, easily offended, keeping records of wrongs. I don't trust, I usually try to protect myself rather than protecting others, and a lot of times I want to give up when relationships with people get hard. I want to take the easy way out and not deal with frustrations.

Like I said, very short of God's love. I am very open with people until I get hurt. Once I get hurt - it could be something simple, it could be far more complex - I shut down. I'm really good at giving the cold shoulder and shutting people out. I suppose it's out of the fear that they will hurt me again.

Love demands forgiveness. I understand that forgiveness is the only door to healing for pain and heartache that have been caused by others. If you took a long look into my past, my family's past, you would understand, too. I see what unforgiveness does. It tears families apart. I've seen this on many occassions in my life. I have learned to forgive others for big, terrible events.

However, the part of forgiveness that I'm bad at, is the part where my pride gets bruised, where people didn't do things like I expected, where people who claim to be my friends, threw me to the side when something better came along, then tried to pick it back up afterwards. That's happened many times and I can count on one finger, yes one finger, where that relationship was ever restored to a functional relationship. This part is my fault though, my unforgiveness drove a wedge between those friendships. My pride too big to say, I was hurt, this is how. I'm sorry if I've done the same things to you. Instead, I keep a record, an on going list of wrongs. You did this, why don't you ever do this, why do I always have to be the one to do this?

Like I said, I fail at God's love.

Thankfully, His love never fails. Thankfully He is constantly at work in my heart, reminding me that though I fail, He doesn't. Though my sins - my pride, my unforgiveness, my lack of love, and so many more - pierced Him to the cross, He has forgiven.

His love is like this:
1 Corinthians 13
1If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. 4Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. 11When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 12For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

So, today I will start anew. Today I will let go, no more records of wrong, no more pride. I am letting go, I am forgiving. If you read this, please pray this for me - that I really can let go, that I really can forgive, that I'll lay my pride by my side, and love.

Thank ya, Thank ya.

2010-11-24T04:17:00.000-08:00

I found this program on my laptop that lets me update my blog directly from my desktop without having to go the site. Thought I’d give it a whirl.

Looks pretty simple.

Got a new haircut today, here’s a picture.

That was easy. :0)

Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving I’ll take a minute to state some things I am thankful for:

God’s provision and grace

God’s Word

Family

Friends

Celebrating my 30th birthday with my Grandmother

Getting to be a coach

Opportunities to serve God – teaching, coaching, basketball, youth group, UCC praise team, Youth Sunday School

Peace that passes all understanding

A job where I have freedom to share about Christ

Comfort during hard times

My students

A Faithful God who understands me better than I understand myself

Friends, Coworkers, Family who speak truth into my life

People who make me laugh or encourage me when I get down

My list could go on and on. I am easily distracted and forget to give thanksgiving, but just like we discussed last week during Sunday School –even when we don’t agree with or understand what God has given us – it is ALWAYS for the best. His gifts are always good. His ways are perfect.

1st Chronicles 29: 13
“Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name.”

2 Samuel 22:47
“The Lord lives!Thanks be to my rock!May God, the rock of my salvation, be glorified.”

Psalm 52:9
“I will give thanks to you forever for what you have done.In the presence of your godly people,I will wait with hope in your good name.”

Colossians 2:7
“Sink your roots in him and build on him. Be strengthened by the faith that you were taught, and overflow with thanksgiving.”

1 Thessalonians 5:18
”Whatever happens, give thanks, because it is God’s will in Christ Jesus that you do this.”

Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good night! :)

Fighting!

2010-11-16T04:17:00.000-08:00

When it sets in, it is so hard to shake. Maybe you've been there, maybe you are there now... in that state of discouragement that just seems to get deeper and deeper. That's what the last few weeks have been like for me.
It started slowly, but it's raveled into this pit of discouragement, that I can't seem to escape.
Frustrations and disappointments become distractions, my focus is lost, I get mad at myself for letting it get to this point. More disappointments and frustrations pile on, I should be able to push through, but I have no strength. Lower and lower I go.
I try to talk to a friend about it, but it just sounds stupid that I've gotten this way. I try to get into the Word and regain my focus. I fail. I half heartedly ask for help. Nothing is working. I listen to music that usually encourages, I try getting more sleep, all to no avail. This morning, I pray before the day begins, that I can get out of this funk, that my mind will be focused on Eternal things. On to devotions at school, a great reminder that God has plans for me, I don't need to be frustrated with my life. Then, more discouragement. I talk to my mom, she says don't let it take hold. This is a tool of Satan to throw you off. She says, let's pray. I cry. She says, don't dwell, just praise Him. The day rolls on and there is more discouragement. I feel like a failure. I make it through the end of the day. Someone makes me smile, it takes my mind off the discouragement for a bit. I go to basketball practice, the girls make me smile. Dinner time, then time alone where that darkness is lurking behind me waiting to pounce. What I do?
It's time... It's time to fight. I've been carrying on too long. I do have someone to talk to, the thing is He already knows why I hurt, He knows my struggles, He knows my failures. Yet He waits patiently for me to realize that He's the fighter, He always has been, He always will be. He's kind of like that friend of mine who took up for me and punched another guy in the face, when I was being harassed. I need to go to Him, let Him do the fighting, clearly I can't do it myself. I need wait patiently for Him to fight, I need to trust that He's got it under control.
This passage in Exodus says it all, '"Moses answered the people, “Don’t be afraid! Stand still, and see what the Lord will do to save you today. You will never see these Egyptians again. The Lord is fighting for you! So be still!”'
What a reminder! These times will come, but I have to make the choice, the choice to be still and let Him fight for me. To stop trying to do it myself. To go to Him and find my rest. Like in Hebrews 4: 11 - 12.

This song is an encouraging reminder of Who is really fighting for me. He's fighting for You, too.

Pondering my Provider

2010-10-18T06:29:00.001-07:00

Today, I woke up with the mother of all headaches, I tried to endure, but by 10am I was done. So I gave in and took a sick day. I came home and slept for about 4 hours straight, just to wake up and find that the headache was still there. I made myself eat lunch, then took some more drugs - thank the Lord for Ibuprofen - and went back to sleep. I finally woke up at 3:30 without a headache. I admire people who suffer migraines, I don't know how you deal with the pain, because I'm pretty sure mine paled in comparison.

Tonight as I was baking cupcakes for a bake sale tomorrow, my mom called to chat and shared with me how God is working in the life of a family member, how a job was provided just when it was needed. Then as I was sitting and waiting, I began to read a little of my book, One in a Million by Priscilla Shrier. The section I was reading was called $500 Stories. How appropriate after the conversation I had with my mom. She told a story about her parents, when her father was in seminary. They were completely broke, literally down to cans of beans for dinner. Her mother looking into the cabinet seeing that there were only cans of beans to eat, just fell apart. Both of her parents were pretty frustrated by their financial situation, but knew that God's call for their life at that time required them to struggle financially. So, her dad asked her mom how much money they would need to for meals and for some other necessities for a certain amount of time. Her mom just said $500.00 as a roundabout figure. The next day the dad went to his school mail and found a money order for $500.00 sitting in there. Out of the blue, no real reason for it.

Then the author tells another story about her and her husband. She was having one of those mornings where she didn't wake up in time to do anything, they didn't have the food they needed for her to fix her children breakfast, she was late for all her appointments that day, and when she and her children finally returned home, she put the kids to bed and sent herself to her own room. As she walked in she found flowers and a note that said, "Just Because", from her husband. She called it "a little refreshment, just in the nick of time." She paralleled it to what God does for us in tough times.

Having that conversation with my mother and then immediately reading that in the book, led me to reflect on God's provision for my life. Of course, I remembered God's most recent financial provision, when my entire round trip to the states and back for my Grandmother's funeral was paid for by friends and family in Korea and at home. I also remembered the time when my trip home for Christmas was paid for by an unknown (well I think I know...) source. I remembered how God provided for me when my Grandfather died through people here at my church and school. Those are examples of huge provision, but in reality God gives and provides daily. Sometimes it's financial, sometimes it's a friend just at the right time, sometimes it's a note of encouragement from someone, sometimes it's that verse that you've read over and over that just seems to stand out to you, sometimes it's more painful like discipline or conviction over sin.

No matter the way, God is the god who provides. He does not let His children live in need. Sometimes we might think we are in need, but in reality He is giving what is best.

This past weekend I led a retreat, along with several other friends/coworkers for 19 of our high school girls. That's almost half of our girls, so that's pretty exciting that we had that many. Our theme this year was Focus: What are we focused on? What should we be focused on? How can we change our focus? This theme provided by God is actually a theme that God has been using in my life since school started this year. Originally, I thought a focus change was just to make it through a tough school year, in reality the focus change needs to be a permanent change. I have already reaped some benefits from this change - a closer walk with God, strength through very difficult circumstances, direction for the future (retreat planning), and reminder that my life is only temporary everything that I do should be to bring glory to His name.

I feel like that is where I am at now. The retreat was amazing. God brought all of our messages, songs, and games together in a way that not only brought glory to Him, but also provided an opportunity for one girl to receive God's gift of salvation, which of course is provision for eternal life with God. The other 18 girls prayed to make changes in their focus. What an amazing God I serve, I am so thankful for the ways in which He provides for mine and all other believers needs. I am so grateful to be a part of His work. How amazing that He can use someone like me to serve Him.

Radical Living

2010-09-24T04:07:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, the director of the organization I worked for suggested two books to our staff. I bought both and just finished the first, "Radical: Taking Back Your Faith From the American Dream" by David Platt. Several friends of mine have already read this or are in the process of reading the book. It's a fantastic book. It left me desiring to take my faith in Christ to another level, wondering how I can truly live out the calling I have been given.

This book helped me to look more closely at how my self-focus has left me desiring comfort, contentment, happiness, and fulfillment by things of this world. Not all the things I desire are bad, but they do take my focus away from the One who has called me. I've been living a life trying to satisfy my own desires, with only fleeting glances at what God's will is for me. I've given in to the notion that I can be fulfilled by life on Earth.

I struggle with normal "single-woman" issues, just like any other single woman, but I am actively trying to let go of that idea that I need something else to be complete. The older I get the stronger these desires become and if I am not careful, I will fall into the temptation of thinking that what I do not have is what will make me feel whole. I do good at times, just focused on what I'm called to do. At other times I wallow in self-pity, my mind wonders and then I get sad, depressed and feel like a loser. Because after all, being married with children is what is expected of 30 year old women, right?

Thankfully, God shows me daily that He has called me for a purpose and while I might not understand His plan, it is good. I need to die to myself (that lonely, single, sad, depressed, loser woman) and put on the life that He has given me.

As this school year began, I felt like God had a theme for me. The theme was Focus. At the time I thought He wanted me to really focus on my calling - a teacher and coach here at ICS because we were/are in for a hard year. I also felt that He wanted me to get my mind off myself and my single state. However, in light of the circumstances of the last month or so, I realize that God wanted me to focus on Him. He wanted me to focus on Him and Him alone; so that through the hard times, the lonely times, the stressful and busy times that He would be "my very present help in times of trouble." He wanted this for my life not because He loved me, which He does, but because He deserves all the glory.

When I focus on myself, I make myself higher than Him. That's wrong. Everything that I do should reflect Him, Everything I do should be to honor Him. Which brings me back to the book I just finished reading. I have been called to live a radical life, one that brings glory to His name, one that puts every other person above myself, one that gives sacrificially, one that wants to see others come to know Christ, one that wants to see those in my care sharing with others about Christ.

The world needs to know, yet I, just like so many Christians, have sought personal comfort and gain rather than sacrificing to make sure that others know.

The author suggests a "Radical Experiment" to see what will happen to my life when I really make an effort to really pray for this world daily, to read the entire Word, to give my money sacrificially, to spend time in another context, and commit my life to be in a community that wants to see others come to know Christ and then share it with others.
I may not be able to complete the author's tasks, but I feel that God is leading me to make some changes in my life. Some He has already been working on, others that I feel will be happening soon.
I'm so thankful to serve a God Who equips the ones He calls. I'm not worthy of this calling, but He called me anyway. So, I'm gonna follow.

I will follow

2010-09-20T18:42:00.001-07:00

So, I'm digging this new Chris Tomlin song.

I Will Follow

Here are the lyrics:

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow...

All your ways are good
All your ways are sure
I will trust in you alone
Higher than my side
High above my life
I will trust in you alone

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
I will follow you

Light unto the world
Light unto my life
I will live for you alone
You're the one I seek
Knowing I will find
All I need in you alone, in you alone

In you there's life everlasting
In you there's freedom for my soul
In you there joy, unending joy
and I will follow you

This is my prayer. It's so easy to get distracted and to lose focus. It's so easy to choose another path. I pray that with all my life I can follow Jesus. I pray that my life will become a clear testimony to Who I believe is the Truth.
Here's a video of the song:

An attitude of Gratitude

2010-09-03T17:14:00.000-07:00

I got back into Korea last night (Friday night.) The trip was smooth and I arrived safely. I didn't do a lot of processing on the trip. Mostly I was just exhausted and slept or watched movies. On the long flight from Chicago I sat next to a Korean lady, who had lived in the states for 34 years, but who was going home to visit family. The other lady next to her was a Filipino woman who had lived in the states for 20 years who was going home to visit her ailing father and to see her family. It seemed that we were all on some part of a trip to be with family. Despite the distance, heat (Korean Air flights are nice, except we were cooking the whole time), and how tired we all were. Sitting with those two ladies made my trip pleasant. They were both amazed that I was in my 7th year of teaching in Korea and were thankful with me, that I was able to go home to be with my family for the funeral.
It turned out that the Korean lady had the same last name as me and we found out toward the end of the flight that we were both Southern Baptist. She was so excited to know that I was a missionary and a teacher. She said that she and her husband were also involved with missions where they live. It's always nice to find a sister in Christ.
The other lady and I discussed the Philippines. I asked her if she liked Balut (sp?), which is an almost grown duck egg that is cooked and eaten. I shared with her that the times I had gone, I had always passed up the egg, but cheered on the students who were with me, while they did it. She just laughed and said, she ate it as a child, but now as an adult she didn't because it was so high in cholesterol.
Despite our different cultures, it was nice to have pleasant seat mates. The Korean lady needed me to do everything for her, but that was fine. It kept my mind from wondering about all the things that it wanted to worry about.

My mind wanted to think about missing my grandmother and my family, it wanted to worry about all the "catch up" work that lays before me, about silly people drama, about how sick I felt on the flight, or about the little bit of turbulence that we experienced. I think my seat mates were given by God to keep me from getting so anxious about things. Thinking about that gift leads me to think about the other gifts that have been given by God.

How quick am I to overlook His goodness. Right now, I just want to praise and thank Him for it.
*I am thankful for the relationship I had with my Grandmother. I am thankful for her love and her support. I will miss her, but I am thankful that I can rejoice in knowing she's sitting at Jesus' feet right now. What a thought!
*I am thankful that I work at a school where I am given so much funeral leave, where I have coworkers and bosses that pray for me, who support me, who help me. If only everyone would realize just how much support we actually have.
*I am thankful that God has called me to serve Him. What a joy!
*I am thankful that God provides for those in need.
*I am thankful for a God who knows! (sermon topic, that I'll expand on at another time)
*I am thankful for people who respond to God's call - whether that call is to serve, to give, or to pray.
*I am thankful for my family, who love me and support me.
*I am thankful that I have a God I can lean on. He is the Rock.
*I am thankful for two church families, who are actually a part of the same family, in different parts of the world.
*I am thankful for God's word and how faithful He is through it.
*I am thankful that I am able to talk directly to my God, that He hears my prayers and knows even better than I do what's going on.
*I am thankful for encouragement from friends and family.
*I am thankful for the peace that passes all understanding.
*I am thankful to have the Hope of eternal life.
*I am thankful that this sorrow can turn to rejoicing, because of that Hope in Jesus Christ.

I am just so thankful and full of praise. I hope that as I go to school to get some work done, that I can remember this spirit of thanks and praise. lol.

God is good. He is worthy of praise. He is worthy of all honor and glory and power. If you don't know Him, let me tell you about Him!

Letting go

2010-08-26T01:46:00.000-07:00

I knew she wouldn't be here forever, but I wasn't quite ready to let her go. It was her time though. She lived a long and full life. One full of love and forgiveness. A true servant of Christ. Always willing to serve others or help them inanyway she could. Always wanting the Gospel to be spread throughout the world. One who supported me whole heartedly in my desire to live and serve in Korea. She always said to me, "Kris, I love you and I miss you so much . I would love for you to be here with me, but you need to be where you have been called." Even here at the end, when I was struggling to say goodbye to her sister, my great Aunt Audrey, she said, "Audrey knows that you love her and she knows you need to go. I know you want to be here to support me, but I am okay. I will miss her, but I don't want my sister to suffer." Always concerned about the welfare of others, above her own.

Right before she had her stroke, I called her in the hospital and fell apart - and not having a clue that I was really saying goodbye to her - she said to me, "Baby I'm alright, I don't want you to worry about me, you need to worry about your teaching." I laughed and said, "Are you crazy? Of course I will worry about you." Shortly after she had two strokes and then a couple of days later, she was gone.

While I am sad and feel that gaping hole in my heart, I also am covered with peace that can only come from my Father above. I rejoice in knowing that my grandmother is now in eternity with my granddaddy and my great aunt and all the other saints who have gone before.

Memories...

One of my earliest memories of my grandparents is from when I was a very little girl. I remember we had a really big snow (not very common here in Arkansas) and my grandmother and I went out to collect a huge bowl full of snow. We collected that huge bowl of snow to make snow cream. It was a delicious, snowy treat. As far as I know it was the only time in my life I've ever had it.

Every year for my birthday, while she could, my grandmother made my favorite meal for my birthday - chicken strips, mashed potatoes, mac & cheese, rolls, and broccoli or salad. Followed up by my absolute birthday favorite - ice cream cake. (And we wonder why I have issues with insulin, ha) and Grandmother didn't go to Baskin Robbins and buy one, she spent hours making one from scratch.

Another memory from early in my life, a memory of which I was reminded this past summer when I went to Nebraska for a mission trip, was my grandparents hosting a backyard bible club in their apartment. There "yard" was so tiny, yet they made room for the neighborhood kids to come in and hear about God's love in a fun and safe environment. This summer, we used the same materials from that time in Nebraska doing Backyard Bible Clubs. What memories it brought back.

One of my most recent memories was from this summer, when Grandmother and I were driving back home from church listening to old school country, belting out Conway Twitty's Baby's Got Her Blue Jeans On. I was singing along and then all of a sudden I hear my grandmother belting it out with me. How fun.

I love hearing people talk about my grandparents. So many people I know, remember my granddaddy's faithful service as a church bus driver. I remember as a little girl going with my grandmother to visit the camp that he drove some youth or kids group to. The day that we visited, Grandmother and I got to join in making the crafts for the day. I have no idea what that craft was, but I remember the time with them.

My grandmother always had a way of making me laugh. She had a very sarcastic sense of humor (as does most of my family... I think we know where it comes from) this summer, when I had to fix her hair for something - b/c my mom had gone earlier - and I totally butchered it. I told her I failed as a granddaughter b/c I couldn't do her hair. She laughed and said, nah I couldn't do hair either, that's evidence that you are my granddaughter. Just ask your mom and Aunt Donna. I couldn't do their hair either. lol

I could go on and on listing memory after memory. However, I will stop. I am so grateful for the life of my grandmother. I am so thankful that despite the years and hard times my grandmother never gave up. Her hope was eternal. She wanted all of us grandkids to know that too. My grandmother always, always prayed for her family. In the last few years, when Grandmother would stay with us, we shared the same bed. I used to think of myself as her body guard, lol. We would go to bed and we would talk and then when she was ready to sleep she would say, I'm gonna talk to Jesus now. She didn't know that I could hear her, but I heard her praying for each of her children and grandchildren. Even in those time when she didn't tell me she was going to pray, I could hear her. What a precious thing to know that you are daily prayed for and loved regardless of your bad attitudes and how far away you are.

I want to be like that - loving others regardless, praying for others daily, serving others and being a hard worker.

Grandmother you are loved and you are missed. Thank you for the life you lived.

Humility

2010-08-16T05:38:00.000-07:00

I've been reading this tiny book that was given to me from a dear friend, it's called Humility: The Journey Toward Holiness. It's written by Andrew Murray. As I've read I have been reminded of many things. However, it wasn't until this evening, as I sit here pondering how I'm gonna do it all - no I'm not superwoman I realize the enormous amount of help I need - was I really hit with new information. Here are some quotes that stand out to me:
"The great test of the holiness we profess to seek or to attain is truth and life will be whether it is manifest in the increasing humility it produces. In the individual, humility is the one thing needed to allow God's holiness to dwell in and shine through him or her. In Jesus - the Holy One of God, who makes us holy - divine humility was the secret of His life, His death, and His exaltation. The one infallible test of our holiness will be our humility before God and others. Humility is the bloom and the beauty of holiness."
Wow, is God's holiness dwelling in and shining through me? Can it be seen in my interaction with others? I don't think so. Have I let "pride creep in where its presence is least expected"? Yes.

What about in the Church?
"Pride can clothe itself in the garments of praise or of penitence. Even though the words, 'I am not as other men' are rejected and condemed, their spirit may too often be found in our feelings and language toward other fellow worshipers and fellowmen. If you wonder if this is so, listen to the way Christians speak of one another. How little of the meekness and gentleness of Jesus is seen. It is seldom remembered that deep humility must be the keynote of what we say of ourselves or of each other. There are countless assemblies of saints, mission coventions, societies, or committees, where the harmony has been disturbed and the work of God hindered because of men (women,too) who are counted saint are touch and impatient, self-defensive and self assertive to the point of sharp judgements and unkind words. They do not reckon others better than themselves, and their holiness has little meekness to it"
This reminds me of a sermon I heard this summer, just before I left on mission to Nebraska. My pastor preached on serving others. He used Matthew 8: 1 - 6, where the disciples asked Jesus who was the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. His reply if you don't humble yourself and become like little children, you'll never even see the kingdom of heaven. My pastor explained, that the greek meaning behind the text didn't actually mean little kids, but people of a low status. So according to this passage, I need to change my status - to become small every day, willing to serve all. Humility.
Murray goes on to quote Mrs. Smith in Everyday Religion, "'Me' is a most exacting person, requiring the best seat and the highest place for itself, and feeling grievously wounded if its claim is not recognized. Most of the quarrells among Christian workers arise from the clamoring of the gigantic 'me." How few of us understand the true secret of taking our seats in the lowest rooms."
My favorite quote from this chapter is "humility is nothing but the disappearance of self in the vision that God is all."
The chapter goes on and is filled with even more eye opening reminders. However, I might get in trouble if I typed it all out, but I am thankful for the words. What a reminder!
God has called me to serve in many different capacities. Because of my lack of humility and my overflowing heart of pride, I am often in danger of thinking that I am capable of any of it on my own. Forgive me Lord, for ever thinking that I am worthy of anything, for thinking I am able to do anything. Only You are worthy, only You are able.

Unity...

2010-08-08T04:58:00.001-07:00

Today my heart is sad. For several reasons, but primarily this one - the church that I have been blessed to be a part of here in Korea, seems to be shrinking. Looking out over the crowd, it felt so empty. To those who were here all summer, it seemed full, but leading worship sure has a different feel, when the pews (in our case the chairs) are full.
After thinking about this, I realize part of this is my fault. I've neglected, for my own comfort, different types of outreach into this community. I rely on others to do that. I use the excuses of I don't speak the language or I'm too busy. This is ridiculous. I'm not to busy to spend hours on facebook or do other mind numbing activities. I'm not too busy to let my mind worry and fret over things that I have no control over.
What can I do? It's obvious our church has holes that need to be filled. I think I do all that I can, but that's not true. I'm not ready at every turn to invite new people I meet to church, frankly I use my "shy/akward" nature as an excuse for not reaching out to those in this community. It makes me nervous to approach people and I let my nervousness have control.
When am I going to grow up and use the power of Christ within me to do what I'm scared to do?

Two songs give me the reminder that my courage and abilities are worthless without His power and guidance. If He reigns in me ("Lord, reign in me, reign in your power" :Lord Reign In Me - Benton Brown) then I can be victorious in my weakness. ("We are victorious, victorious, We stand for you, You stand for us, we overcome!" : Victorious - Christ's Covenant Church)

Lord, Your word makes it clear that Your power is made perfect in my weakness. Help me to rely on that power to do what I perceive as difficult.

Oh where Oh where has my...

2010-07-19T18:50:00.000-07:00

... Summer gone?
It seems like just yesterday I got home from Korea, but that was about 5 weeks ago. Seems unreal. At this time next week, I'll be somewhere over the Pacific on my way back to Korea for my 7th year of teaching. That's also hard to believe, it seems like just yesterday I was just beginning the journey. Thankfully this journey has grown me and stretched me in ways that I couldn't have imagined. I also have learned alot about myself - good and bad. The most important lesson that I have learned is that God makes it possible to do the things that I think are impossible. Only through Him am I able to continue down the path of this life in which He has called me. He has enabled me to do many things, that never could / would have happened without His direction and guidance. He has also provided for me in so many ways, not just financially. What a good God! He knows what is best and gives that to us. At times we may not understand what His best is, but we can always rest assured that it is best.

Speaking of not understanding what is best, recently I was faced with the decision to go on a mission trip to Nebraska, with a group from my church here at home. When I first heard about the trip, I was interested in going, but was not certain that I was willing to give up another week of my summer at home. I told the minster in charge of the trip that I was interested in going,b ut wouldn't know for sure until I returned from a trip a couple of weeks later. I decided that I needed to pray and seek God's direction and asked my friends to pray as well.

While I was gone to Florida, I was given clear direction that I should go and I am so thankful that I did. Sunday morning, prior to leaving for the trip, my pastor spoke about being a servant and humbling ourselves to serve others. It was so appropriate for our trip. It was so wonderful to be with this group of adults and kids who were willing to serve regardless of what needed to be done. it was such an encouragement to me and a reminder that because I have been called to be a servant, I need to be humble enough to serve others without complaint. To easily, I fall into the trap of thinking that I deserve something or that I am better than someone. What a terrible place to be. Clearly, my thoughts are on self rather than on Jesus and His calling in my life. My prayer is that as I continue my 7th year of teaching, that I will be willing to be humble enough to serve others, despite my thoughts and feelings.

This summer, I've had several instances where people have asked me, "When are you going to come back to America and get started with your life?" It is hard to explain to them, that this is my life. God has called me to be a servant and for now, maybe permanently, a servant in South Korea. Although I miss my family, friends and American "stuff", I am living the best life possible, the one that I have been called to do. I'm pretty certain that if I was doing anything other that what I've been called to do I would be pretty miserable.

If you read this, please pray that I will always be willing to serve as I have been called, that my focus will not be on me, but on Christ and loving others as He loved me.

2010-06-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

Well I've been home for a week now and have done a few interesting things, but mostly it's just been the regular "I'm home, gotta get caught up" business. Doctor's visits, sleeping, walmart visits, eating at all your favorite places - those of you who are just home for a while know exactly what I'm talking about.
Here's the list of all I've done so far:
~I've gone with my grandmother to get a pedicure (she also got her fingernails done and her hair did that day) and that evening we went to visit with my great aunt Audrey.
~Spent a great day with CB and Amanda in Memphis - we went downtown to some sidewalk sales, found a great coffee shop, to the farmer's market, to the flea market, and then that night to the Roller Derby.
~Yesterday was church, I always love coming home to FBC WM. The people are great and God is really at work there.

I'm a little sad because I'll be away from home for two weeks and it feels like my summer is slipping away from me. I usually don't feel this way, but I'm feeling it now. I'll be going to Orlando for a class, everyone says ooh you're suffering for Jesus, but I'm not really thrilled about being there for a week, alone. I hope that I can learn alot and will be prepared to teach AP Biology next year. I'm kind of scared to teach this upper level class, but I trust that God knows what He's doing with my life. The best part of this trip is that when the class is over, I get to go stay with my brother and sister-in-law for a few more days. That will be fun. We plan to go to SeaWorld and I think the beach, so that should be fun. I'm excited to see them, so that part of the trip I will enjoy.

I am also considering joining my church on a mission trip to Nebraska, which happens after I return from Florida. I haven't agreed to go, but I'm feeling the tug. The group will be doing Backyard Bible Clubs and other things, I think it will be fun. I haven't done that kind of ministry in a while and it would be good to get to my roots. My only hang up is that my summers seem to be getting shorter and shorter and I'm getting less time to be with my friends and family. Knowing that I'll be away from here for two weeks and thinking of possibly being gone for one more week really hurts, but I still feel the pull to go. I guess this is what it is to sacrifice. I'm not sure yet, but if you read this and pray for me, pray that I will have clear direction and that in whatever I choose that God will give me peace about it. Right now I don't feel peace either way - going or staying here.

I'm so anxious right now, anxious about this class, anxious about whether or not I should go to Nebraska, anxious about life. I don't know when I got to be this way, always worried and anxious, but I'm sitting here stressing and it's not necessary. Like Mr. Miller always tells me, "Kristen! It's gonna be okay, everything is going to be fine. Quit worrying!"
I think the real issue is that I need to get into the word and I need to start with my favorite verse, Psalm 94:19 "When my anxious thoughts multiply within me Your consolations delight my soul."
Doing a quick verse search using the word anxious I came across these that I need to be dwelling on.
Psalm 139:23 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts."
Proverbs 12:25 "An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up."
Ecclesiastes 2:22 "What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he does under the sun?"
Phillipians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

6 year remix

2010-06-11T04:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I completed my 6th year teaching and coaching at ICS. It certainly doesn't seem like it, but there is proof. This year's graduates where 7th graders when I started teaching here. I struggle to believe that I'm this old. HA! As I look back on this year and on years past I see so many blessings. Most of the blessings I see are the faces of those students that I have taught or coached. Some briefly, some for 6 years.
As I reflect, I am reminded of what a privilege it is for me to be here. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to be a teacher, let alone a teacher in South Korea. At times it has been so hard and at other times it is so easy. I think it is through those hard times that I have been most blessed. This is because it is in those times that God grew and stretched me beyond measure.
I am thankful for the stretching and growing that has been happening during my time here. This year is no exception. It has been a difficult year, for many of us, but I think what has helped us the most is the thought that our Sovereign God is in control and whether or not we like the circumstances, He is at work. It is easy to focus on the circumstance and be hurt, saddened, or angry. It is much harder to seek God's hand through it. I don't have answers to all the questions that I've had this year. The only thing I know is that God is teaching me to be obedient, disciplined and consistent in my walk with Him.

I have spent some time reading Elizabeth Elliot this last month. Her words are powerful and seem to be directly in line with what God is teaching me. Sometimes it hurts to read her words, but man is it worth it. In the book I just finished, Finding Your Way Through The Wilderness to God: The Path of Loneliness, Elliot writes, "My theme is oblation - the offering up of ourseves, all we are, have, do, and suffer. Sacrifice means something receieved and something offered." This stands out to me because it seems that my focus has been off a little in my time here. I know very little sacrifice in my life. Yes, it is hard to be away from my family and my friends at home, but I have been given so much here.

I have been given so much, yet, I rarely offer the good up to Him, much less what I perceive as bad. On many occassions before I read this book, I had heard the statement that "This is a gift from God" yet I never really understood until now. (I will be 30 this summer, so I'm sure this old age is where this understanding comes from. lol) This "bad" thing could be anything from hardship, lost friendships, singleness, pain in watching loved ones (this could be students) make bad choices, etc. The problem in thinking that these things are bad is that we forget that God, the One Who knows us best, Who knows what we need, Who knows the future, is in control. What we perceive as bad, God may be using to stretch us and grow us. If we try to "deal" with the bad thing on our own we fail. Like Elisabeth says, her theme is to offer everything up to Him. Let Him use it for His glory. Let Him use it for our good.

So as I reflect on what has passed and I look forward to more years teaching at ICS, may I remember the good and the bad, may I offer it to Him as a sacrifice, may I trust in His goodness and mercy for my life and for ICS.

Future Hope!

2010-03-21T02:07:00.001-07:00

My pastor here in Korea has been doing a series of sermons in Revelation. Today was based on the opening of the seven sealed scrolls in chapter 6. I'll have to admit, listening to the description of what is going to happen at that time can leave a person feeling a bit uneasy. My roommate Kim was sitting next to me and she was feeling the same way. However about halfway through the third scroll, the chorus to a song popped into my head and I just wanted to burst out singing it knowing that in the end my God is triumphant!
You may be wondering what song popped into my head. It was a song that for me not only brings hope for the future, but also pleasant memories of the past. The song was Days of Elijah. It's a pretty well known song, but for those of you who don't know it, here's a link to the video.

This is the chorus:
Behold He Comes
Shining like the sun
At the trumpet call.
Lift your voice,
it's the year of jubilee
And out of Zion's hill Salvation comes.

This song brings hope for the future because as Christians we know that in the end our God reigns and all the trouble and terrible things to come whether that be war, famine, pestilence, earthquakes, death or so many other things will be gone and those of us who have accepted Jesus as Savior will spend eternity with Him.
This song brings about pleasant memories of my mom's first mission trip. While I was in college Mom and I went with a group of people from our church to New Mexico to do some VBS' and other work. Anyway, while we were there, we were introduced to Days of Elijah by a lady in the place where we stayed. My mom loved the song, but truth be told, I thought it was weird and kind of cheesy. I remember us coming back home and mom wanted to sing it at church. I don't know if she ever did.
That was quite a long time ago and since then, I have began to understand the song and I began to love it. When I heard that song again after so many years, when it reached the bridge that repeats "There's no god like Jehovah." over and over again, I just started crying. (As if that is surprising to anyone.) I may have cried because it brought back memories and I was homesick, but I think the real reason I cried is because I know there is NO god like Jehovah and honestly, I don't always live my life like I believe it to be true.
Recently, in middle school chapel the praise team did this song and I got chills listening to those middle schoolers sing it. Since that day in chapel, I have listened to it everyday. So this morning during church, I was not surprised that when I began to think about the end times and began to get uneasy, the words to this song popped into my head.

To top this morning's sermon off our offertory song was perfect for the sermon. When I pick the music, I generally don't know what the sermon will about, so it's always amazing to me when God works out the songs to fit with the sermon. Anyway, the lyrics to our offertory song, Be Unto Your Name are below.

We are a moment, You are forever
Lord of the Ages, God before time
We are a vapor, You are eternal
Love everlasting, reigning on high

Chorus:
Holy, holy, Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb Who was slain
Highest praises, honor and glory
Be unto Your name, be unto Your name

We are the broken, You are the healer
Jesus, Redeemer, mighty to save
You are the love song we'll sing forever
Bowing before You, blessing Your name

Holy, holy, Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb Who was slain
Highest praises, honor and glory
Be unto Your name, be unto Your name

Thank you God for future hope! Help me to glorify You with my life. May others know you as well!
~Kristen

Lord, Increase My Faith

2010-01-16T22:29:00.001-08:00

I sing on the praise team at my church here in Korea. Our church building is pretty small, so when we have Sunday morning worship, we can clearly hear those that sing in the front row, especially now with no monitor (it kind of blew up a few months back...). At times, this can be a problem, particularly when you are unable to read music and everything you do is by ear, like me. However at times, it can be a blessing. This morning I received one of those blessings.

We have many children from our school who also attend our church. This morning five of those kids were sitting in the first two rows. As we began singing the song He Knows My Name I starting thinking about the lyrics (below) and how amazing it is that the Creator of the universe knows me completely and that He still loves me. As we got to the first chorus, the congregation singing got much louder, but upon listening more closely I realized that those 5 kids in the front row were singing their hearts out. I knew that they sang it at chapel, but watching their faces light up as they loudly sang about their Maker nearly caused me to not be able to sing. It was almost impossible for me not to cry. It was so precious. It made my heart happy.

Today's sermon was titled "Lord, Increase Our Faith." It was so great and much needed. I've been struggling for some time with my faith; I would say about 29 and a half years. I do believe, but many times I find myself unfaithful. I find myself worried, fearful, neutral, careless, unbelieving rather than pleading with God because I know (in faith) that He'll answer. I am not like those four guys who lowered their friend into a crowd of people, most of time my faith is hidden - not seen by others.

I know that we are saved through faith, justified by faith, should live by faith, that it is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of God, and that God rewards those who seek Him diligently. However, I find myself with this constant struggle. I know that I want be pleasing to God and I want a good testimony for my life. But upon further study of my life of faith, I don't think I'm there, I don't think I am pleasing to God, I don't think my testimony is good. Someday, hopefully I'll get there, but that will only happen with increased faith.

Of course I can't increase my faith on my own, this is why God has given us the Great High Priest to intercede for us. What I can do is to earnestly seek Him and to ask daily (maybe I should try like every hour...) for Him to increase my faith. I know I'll fail, but thankfully, like the song we sang this morning says - my Maker knows my heart, He calls me His own, my life is in His hands. He'll hear me when I call Him, especially if I'm calling out for Him to increase my puny faith.

---- He Knows My Name - Tommy Walker
I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in His hands

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
And He hears me when I call

He knows my name
He knows my heart
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call

January 4, 2010

2010-01-03T22:30:00.000-08:00

I'm trying a video blog... it's kind of long.

September 2009

2009-09-20T01:01:00.000-07:00

(PRAISE JESUS FOR AUTO SAVE! If you ever have typed a blog and thought you lost it all by some dumb mistake you made just hit control D to recover it!)
----
Don't you love that blog title? It's so creative and original... HA!

As is my usual habit, it's been months since I blogged last. It looks like my last blog post was on July 4th. At the time I was concerned because my time at home was dwindling. Now I've been back in Korea for 7 weeks. It's crazy how time flies!

This year already seem to be easier, while we still have our concerns and busy-ness, there is definitely less spiritual darkness. It seems as if our new teachers are all excited to serve and overall there seems to be a like mind among the staff. Hopefully, they (the new teachers) are finally feeling a little more comfortable in their classrooms and are adjusting into life in Korea.

Every year that I return to ICS, change is in my face. Change has always been a struggle for me. However, I think over the years I've adapted to it pretty well. I still don't like it, but I know there is a purpose in all of it. Thankfully, the Lord has been gracious enough to allow me grace and strength to handle it.

This school year has proven to be as busy (if not busier) as all the rest. I'm teaching my usual load of 5 classes (but this year I have two new groups of students, usually I only have one).
I'm coaching girls volleyball alone, which is turning into quite the task. However, the harder the task, is the more I learn from it.
I'm still the class sponsor for this year's senior class. (The hard, teeth pulling-like job of getting the seniors to work to raise money for their senior trip will be worth it in April, when I'm sitting by a pool in the hot sun, that is overlooking the ocean!)
I'm planning on starting my first master's classes in October (scary! Start praying for me now!) and I am leading a retreat for 9th and 10th grade girls at our school. Thankfully I've got a group of ladies that are excited about helping out with this retreat. My prayer is that as we work together to make this happen, that God will be glorified in our lives and in the lives of the girls who will attend.
I'm still singing with the praise team at my church, but have taken on the task of selecting the music (I enjoy this so much - although it is hard to choose just 8 songs...)

On top of all of this, I've decided that it's time to make some changes in my life, starting with my weight. I haven't shared this with many people, but the few that I have felt comfortable enough to share this with have been super supportive and encouraging.

My new sister in law shared with me this summer about her weight loss and how it only happened through prayer. Since I have made the decision to lose weight, my sister in laws words have been an encouragement to me. When I find it hard to choose to exercise at night or when I wake up. I remember her words and then start praying.
You might be thinking about my reason for choosing to lose weight. It wasn't because of what Elaine told me. It was the fact that turned 29 this summer and it freaked me out that I'll be 30 next year. A lot of the people I know say things like, "Oh, but you are still a young girl!" or "30 is not old!" It may be true when my 88 year old grandmother or my 65 year old mom (or is it 66? sorry - at least you don't look like it Momma!) say it, but it has really freaked me out.

I think almost being 30 scares me, because I kind of expected certain things to have happened by this point in my life. God has had other plans and I accept that, but I do need to change the things that I can, and really my weight loss is about the only thing I can change.

I've never been a small girl (except maybe when I was like 5...) and I don't intend to get "skinny", I just want to be healthy and not be the largest person in Korea.

So there you have it, my life in one long blog post. If you've read this far, thanks, I could really use your prayers, too. I'm used to being busy, but I think I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. Thankfully, God has been showing me that I can stay busy, if I am focused on Him first. He's teaching me about grace and prayer. Hopefully, the lessons I learn will stick.

2009-07-04T18:48:00.000-07:00

Today is July 4th, it is also the first day since I have been back in the states that I didn't do anything. Well I did go to a friends for lunch to celebrate, but ended up coming home at about 4:30 with a toothache that still hasn't gone away. Dentist on Monday? Maybe.

I haven't opened my blogger since my last post, if you scroll down you will see that was in March. Please excuse me, being a teacher, inevitably means that from about March to June your life is super busy, so that is my excuse for now posting anything until now. This past school year was quite a struggle, so I looked forward to this summer break for a bit of rest, but that hasn't really happened yet. It's okay though, my summer has been filled with some pretty incredible things. Here is a short list of what I've done since I got home:
1. Arrived in Memphis June 12
2. On the 15th, my friend came for a visit, we ate well and saw some pretty sights ;)
3. Flew out of Memphis June 17 to Orlando (my brother got married)
4. On the 18th went to Disney World with my Grandmother who was 87 years old, my parents, and my brother and his fiance.
5. On the 19th was the rehearsal dinner
6. On the 20th was the wedding
7. On the 21st went to church, big lunch, to see The Proposal, then had a great dinner (steaks and potatoes anyone)
8. On the 22nd flew back to Memphis, drove to C'ville, got my stuff, drove back to Southaven for the first night of PFO, then drove home afterwards to a visitiation for a dear friend who had just passed away.
9. Stayed at PFO from the 23rd - 3rd, with 10 4, 5, 6 year old children who will be leaving with their parents to go work as teachers in many different countries.

Like I said, I was busy. Needless to say yesterday I slept about 4 hours once I got home and took a couple of naps today.
These last three weeks have flown by and while I am seeing my time at home slip away, I am thankful for all I have done. It was so fun to watch my Grandmother enjoy herself so much at Disney and to have that time with my family. I am also thankful for the opportunity to serve again at PFO. It sure takes my summer time away, but I think it helps me to get out of my "little world" and gets me focused on to the bigger picture of this world and the need for the Truth to be spread.
I imagine my next 20 days at home will be filled with visits, book reading, catching up on my Mexican food eating, and relishing my time with my family, church family, and my friends - which is starting to seem like less and less each year, but I know that for the time being God has called me to this, so I will have to enjoy each moment I am given with my family and friends.

Basketball, Traveling, Purity... Oh My!

2009-03-04T05:28:00.001-08:00

Wow, my last entry was during final exams in December and now it's already March! Craziness. Since I returned from Christmas Vacation my life has been filled with basketball and traveling. Oh, teaching, too! HA!

We finished our basketball season with an undefeated season in Division II and a championship tourney title. The day after our KAIAC tourney, we left for Iwakuni, Japan for the DODD'S Small School Far East Basketball Tournament. While we didn't win any games in the tournament, the girls were challenged more than they have been in a couple of seasons. It was hard to watch them lose, but it was great to see them playing so well and working so hard. We spent the week on the Marine base in Iwakuni. It was a good time of basketball, fun, and some relaxation for us.

We returned on Saturday afternoon and then on the following Wednesday, I left with 15 of our seniors and two other teachers for the Senior Trip in Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia. It was a wonderful time. Malaysia was beautiful, our resort was grand, and the kids were great. It was so fun to be with these seniors, many of which were in my first homeroom class; 5 years ago! It's hard to believe they are going to be graduating in May.

After 5 funfilled days, I returned to Uijongbu to some very cold temperatures and snow the next morning. It has been hard for me to get back to work, I'd much rather be sitting back by the pool relaxing. I'm sure anyone would agree, but as nice as that would be, I'm really glad to be back in my classroom with my students. I miss them when I'm gone and from what they tell me, they miss me, too. It's nice to come "home" to them.

Tomorrow is our purity seminar, many people (not me -- too busy) have done so much to prepare for this event. I'm thankful that so many of our teachers and some teacher's wives have given of themselves to do this. My prayer is that the student's hearts (and mine) will be willing to listen to and apply what God's word says about living a pure life. It's so easy to be swayed by the things of this world (even the good stuff), it is always a good reminder to live pure lives for our Holy God who is so good and so worthy to be praised!

I'm closing with a few pictures, if you'd like to see more please visit my facebook page. Here

My Christmas Blessing

2008-12-16T04:08:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow I will give my last exam for 2008. I can't believe we are at the end of another semester. Although I'm shocked at how quickly this time has arrived, I am very aware that it couldn't be at a better time. This semester has been difficult, but I know that difficult times help us to rely more on our God and strengthen our faith in Him.
I had originally planned to stay in Korea for the break for several reasons, finances being the first. I went through a roller coaster of emotions considering this, but in the end had accepted that I would stay here and do a lot of relaxing. My parents were also struggling with the thought of me not coming home, trying to prepare themselves for that - I really don't think I make that much of a difference, I spend alot of money and complain alot, it's hard to think that they really miss me so much. A co-worker of my mom's reminded my mother that God can work miracles and told my mom to ask God for a way to get me home.
So back in October my mom and dad started praying. I have to be honest here, I didn't pray as much as they did. Even though I knew it would be hard, I felt like I would be okay staying, so I just accepted that if God wanted me to go home He would provide the way and left it at that.
A couple of months passed and I started to get more homesick, but I was just trying to deal with the thought of not going home.
Then a few weeks ago I was at church and as I walked out the door, I noticed on the "Secret Sister gift table" an envelope with my name on it. I thought, "That's odd, I already got my gift today." I picked it up and thought what a weird gift, my roommate suggested that it might be socks, but I had a suspicion that this envelope had more than socks in it. I opened up the end of it and what I saw was amazing it was a HUGE stack of money (when I say huge, I mean it, the largest Korean currency is a manwon --think $10.00 bill) and a note that said, "Kristen, Use this if you want to go home for Christmas, if not give it to someone in need."
I was shocked. I showed my roommates who were also shocked, so we quietly slipped out of the door and walked to go get lunch. Obviously as we ate I only had one thing in mind. I finished quickly then hopped on the scooter to get home and call my parents before it was too late.
I called and told them both to get on the phone, so they got the other phone and then I said I have some news..."I'm getting married." They laughed (I've used that line before -- I'm hoping I'm like the boy who cried wolf) and then I went on to tell them the news. After lots of crying, praising, laughing I told them I had to be certain. I wasn't sure if I needed to give the money away or if I was supposed to come home. I told them we need to pray about this, so we did. I told them I'd check airline tickets and see if there was anything available and if there was a good deal.
So, I checked and then decided later that I needed to go home. Tickets were amazingly cheap, I had about 300,000 Won left over, so I would be able to help someone in need with that money.
Later I called home and told my parents they needed to be at the airport waiting. My dad said, "We'll be there, waiting!" When I think about him saying that I can picture he and my mom (maybe my Grandmother, too) front and center of the crowd in Memphis waiting for me to walk down that terminal. My dad is taller than many people, so I'll see him first. As soon as I come into view, they both will start crying while I'll fight back to the urge to take off sprinting toward them trying with all my might not to let them see me cry, too.
I can't wait to go home.
~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you Lord for your amazing provision. Thank for you for providing what is best. I pray that as I share my Christmas Story your light will be reflected and others will see what this Christmas season is all about.
~Kristen

I love Fall!

2008-11-09T00:23:00.001-08:00

This afternoon Kim and I took at ride on scoot to go take pictures of the fall foliage. It was such a beautiful day and the trees are amazingly vivid. It was nice to just take a ride out into the "country" (Yangju) and do a little exploration. While we didn't climb up any mountain trails, we did discover some very pretty tree line places. My pictures really don't do it any justice, but I like them anyway. Enjoy!

Psalm 62:5-8

2008-10-05T01:24:00.000-07:00

This year in my Thursday night prayer group we agreed to learn verses and recite them each week. We're using John Piper's Fighter Verses. This time to memorize and share verses has been an encouragement to me. It seems like the verses are very timely and a reminder to me to be focused on Who is most important.
This past week for me was very emotional and I was a bit depressed, thankfully the Fighter Verse for this week was just what I needed to hear. I thought I'd share it here.
Psalm 62: 5 - 8
"In God Alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in Him at all times O people, pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."

Meditating on this verse strengthened me this week. I hope it can be to someone else, too. When I wait in silence for Him and pour out my heart to Him, His peace sustains me.

~Kristen

Time flies...

2008-09-12T19:36:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I just finished the fourth week of my fifth year here at ICS. It seems like it was yesterday that I was boarding the plane to come to Korea for the first time. I was so scared then, I had no clue what to expect. My initial thoughts were to stay two years and then go back to the states and get a "real" job. HA! Now I can't even imagine doing anything different.

Sometimes it is very difficult to be here, so far away from my family. Other times, I don't even notice the distance. I can't begin to describe how blessed I am to be here.
Life in this community is not always easy, but it is something special that God has granted to us here. We are a very close bunch of people, yes we have our own lives and we have our own families, but we all share several common bonds that keep us together. We definitely are a family, of sorts.

My prayer is that I'll not neglect to remember how special this is, because I know when I move on from this place (I have no clue when that will be) I will be longing for this kind of closeness.

In this type of close environment, I am constantly being reminded of the need to love others. What I've discovered, is that I'm not good at it. I love those who love me, because that is easy. If it takes extra work and less pride to love someone, I have a terrible tendency to run away.

This tendency has been pointed out to me in a variety of ways over the past month. I have to quit. I should love because God is love - unending, perfect love. As a Christian, I should be becoming more like God. I should love like Him, but I can't do it on my own. I must look to Him as my example and offer my heart completely to Him. He will restore it and enable me to love as He loves.

This means that when something gets hard and I find it difficult to be loving to another person, for whatever the reason, I can't run away. I must get over myself, look to Him and love that person.

This may never be an easy task, but God has been showing me that this is of utmost importance.

If you are reading this, please pray for me and with me to love regardless and to not give up.

~Kristen

Pictures from the last few weeks:

Chillaxin'

2008-07-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

I spent the day yesterday at the Gapyeong River. It was so beautiful! The water was clean, clear, and cold. I love being back in Korea, when I actually have time to explore and see the beautiful nature that surround me! Here are some pictures!

Home Sweet Home in Korea

2008-07-26T15:40:00.000-07:00

I got back into Korea on Friday night. It was rainy and hot, but I was glad to finally make it back. Flying sure takes it out of me. I guess it's because I'm so old now.
I really enjoyed my time at home. It felt shorter than usual and I didn't see some people that I wanted, but overall it was a pleasant summer. I really enjoyed my time with my family - even bickering with my dad - and was encouraged by some contact with several of my nephews. I also shared lots of laughs with friends and was renewed and refreshed by my time at church. My pastor was gone for most of the summer, but I was able to hear him preach a couple of times and then I got to hear some other amazing men of God share God's word and how He is using them in their various places.
My mom and I shared about our "missions" at a small church in Hughes. I have to say it was an exciting visit, those people really know how to worship and pray. I've never been one to pray so fervently and so powerfully, I should learn a thing or two from those people.
Along with such a pleasant summer, I experienced some hardship, too. One of my dear friends, who has lent me her car for two summers in a row is now on her death bed. She along with her daughter and granddaughters have included me as one of their own. My heart aches for my friends during this time. My prayer is that they will be drawn closer to Christ through this difficult circumstance. I wish I knew how to convey the love and gratitude I feel for them, but all I can really do at this point is pray, like I promised. I'm asking those of you who are reading this, to also pray for my friends as well.

As I came back into Korea, I met a girl who was in Korea for the first time ever on her first trip outside of the States. She was coming to Korea to work at a summer camp and really had no idea what to do as she came through customs. It was interesting to me to see someone who has adventured out on their own, not really certain of what was going on. I can't say I was in that situation as I knew who to look for and had people here I knew. Thankfully, we found her bag and a sign posted with her name on it for someone to pick her up. She contacted me again, so hopefully I'll be able to be helpful to her during her few months in Korea.

For some reason today is signalling to me that new and good things are happening. God has been revealing some of the idols I've placed in my life over Him and I am trusting that by His power they will be destroyed. I'm looking forward to growing closer to Him through this process.

Some other things I am looking forward to this year:
Having Annalisa as a new roommate
Hanging out with my new buddy from Pyongtaek - Cheryl - she rocks my face off!
Seeing my students again and meeting new students
Getting my back fixed. We've been working on it in the states, hopefully I'll find the time, money, and energy to continue with my treatments in Seoul.
Having only 3 preps for classes, this will be the first time ever. Also getting to have a smartboard in my classroom! So fun!
Serving as youth Sunday school teacher and on the praise team at UCC.

Who knows what else is in store, I just feel like new things are coming. My prayer is that I'll remain grateful for each new gift and that I'll keep my focus on Christ as He breaks my heart of stone and molds it into one that beats only for Him.

2008-07-05T09:17:00.000-07:00

I just finished two intense weeks of PFO (Pre-field Orientation). Rather than being a participant my self, I taught the 4, 5, and 6 year olds, whose families are moving to another country to teach in a NICS/OASIS school. While, I am completely exhausted I am also completely blessed from my time with those kids.
The lessons that we used were pretty simple, but they left profound messages in their minds and hearts. I think the entirety of the two weeks of lessons can be summed up in this statement. "God knows me, because He created me. He is always with us, where ever we go. He can use all of our bodies to serve Him. Our feet are beautiful when we share good news. Hands can do things to help others. Mouths can be used to praise Him. Ears can listen and obey. Eyes can be healed and can see the beauty that He created in this world. God is good and everything He calls us to is best. Sometimes we'll have to say goodbye to our favorite things, but God always provides what we need."

It's amazing to me just how much I learned during this time as well. It's like God took those lessons I was teaching the kids and added to them through other sermson and such to speak to me.
The lessons that I learned can be summed up into one statement as well. "God knows me, because He made me. He knows my weaknesses and will use them to glorify Himself. I should continue to serve Him and enjoy Him, even when I fail. I can't run away from Him, so why try. I need to listen and obey. I also need to allow others to get close, even if sometimes it hurts, like when saying goodbye."

While I'm thankful that PFO is over, b/c I'm exhausted, I am also sad, because I already got attached to those wonderful children. I am so thankful for the opportunity to teach them!
Here are a few pictures of my kids.

Beauty

2008-06-19T19:42:00.000-07:00

I've been challenged lately to see the beauty that this world has to offer. Not to see the beauty so that I'll fall in love with this world, but rather to see the beauty and then immediately praise God for His amazingness.
I am finding that it is easy in some areas to find beautiful things. Some of the examples are listed below:

~An incredibly large sun setting as I drove home (several of these)

~Brilliant clouds

~Amazing lightning storms (You can't beat a good Arkansas storm!)
~Stinking cool but weird animals (gotta love some nature shows! Check out the male angler fish - weird!) Go here and scroll down and read about the male. It's CRAZY!
~Microwaving Ivory Soap in the Microwave! It's NUTS!

~Loving family
~Watching people who are passionate about what they do
~Being able to go serve Christ by being helpful to others

~Laughing with friends when we scare the crap out of ourselves! (CB you know what I mean!)

~People that work hard (my dad is an example - he works so hard and doesn't really have to be asked, he just does.)

I could continue to list things, but these are the ones that have been so prevelant to me lately. I'm also finding that in other areas it is not so easy to see beauty. Of course some of those areas would be seeing suffering, poverty, violence, evil, racism - that's never easy to see. However, the place where I'm finding myself struggle to see beauty the most is in other people. I know this is because of sin in my life, but sometimes I struggle so much. I should see beauty in others, but I am so focused on myself most of the time that it inhibits me from seeing their beauty. How awful! This sin that hinders me from seeing their beauty and beauty in other places in the world affects my relationships and even affects my relationship with God. My prayer is that as I am opening myself up to see the beauty of this world that I will take the focus off of myself and be able to see what beauty lies in the people around me instead of seeing the specks in their eyes and ignoring the plank in mine.

Peace love and chicken grease! :)

Denmark

2008-06-15T16:49:00.000-07:00

The Danes are supposedly the happiest people in the world, according to 60 seconds. It's kind of an interesting topic. My grandmother says that most people are as happy as they choose to be. She says that so many people choose to be unhappy by saying that "things are not right in the world.", but really things are just as not right in Denmark, too.
I love to listen to her thoughts. She's one of my favorite ladies.

The other topic on 60 seconds was about sleep deprivation. I've heard it before and even recognized it in my own life when I was student teaching. Your body really struggles on not enough sleep. I guess this means, we all need to take naps during the daytime. I know some of my kids still need naptime!

We dropped my mom off at the airport for her trip to Ghana. I'm so excited for her. I will miss her, but I know that she will be so blessed by this trip. I leared a new word from my new book(Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell -well now that I think of it maybe I've heard it in a Nooma video.) It's havod - it means weight and significance and it is the greek or hebrew (I can't remember) word that we usually use to describe God's Glory. I think it's neat to think of God's Glory as His weight and significance. It is my prayer for my mom and the others on their trip, that during their trip they will see His weight and significance in all that they do, see, and hear during their time in Ghana. Please be in prayer with me that they will be used in amazing ways and that they will draw closer to God as they serve Him.

Maybe we should pray that for ourselves as well.

Home again...

2008-06-12T03:25:00.000-07:00

It's good to be home for a bit, I haven't had much time to do any processing but I think I've come up with a list of things I've become (or continued to be) a fan of and things that I'm not a fan of... exciting... I know.

Things that I am a fan of @ home:
Family
Mexican Food
Turner Dutch Chocolate Milk
Bookstores (YAY! I got Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell, Jazz Notes: Improvisations on Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, Chronicles of Narnia - my summer reading goal, Sisterchicks go Brit - mom gets that first, she will read it on her way to Ghana!, and another fiction book called Quaker Summer)
Being in the same time zone as friends (haven't actually seen them :( yet)
Church Family
Doctors - Chiropractors - guess what... I've got a "twisted spine" and it is the root of many of the physical ailments I've had this year. Yay for answers and possible fixes!
New clothes
Time with my Grandmother
Driving
Air Conditioner
Lipton Diet Citrus Green TeaNot so diet sweet tea
NOT being the largest person everywhere!
Time to read

Things that I'm not a fan of @ home:
Gas prices, boy do I miss public transportation
Unfriendly people
Friends not living in the same apartment or within 2 minutes of me
Korea being so far away
No -Kimchi bokimbap; Dokmanduguk; Bulgogi Bibimbap; Cheejah dongasu
No space of my own
People not attending church functions, simply because their kids are not in it. A friend said it perfectly yesterday - "it makes me sad that so many of our church members not attending; this is a ministry of the church, everyone should be here to see what is happening."
Chocolate Skittles... maybe they'll grow on me.
Constant news casts on all of the following: high gas prices, presidential campaigns, violence and crime (that's what happens when you live in or near the ghetto!), weather (thanks dad)

Anyway, those are some of the things that I've been thinking about.

New Place!

2008-05-20T06:24:00.000-07:00

We had to move again, but it's okay. It'll be worth it and it's for a friend. Here is a video of our new place. To those of you who see this on facebook - sorry, I had to post it here, too. So my mom could see it!
Anyway, Enjoy!

Spring Flings...

2008-04-13T00:59:00.000-07:00

Spring has sprung here in Korea. I think for the first time since I've been in Korea (4 years now) this is the first time I've really, really noticed all the cherry blossoms. They are so stinkin' pretty! Today the weather was wonderful and yellow dust free, so Kim and I decided to go for a bike ride today. It took us a while to get going, b/c Kim had to buy her bike first, then we had to get the tires aired up. That was quite the fiasco, but we got it done and took our new (to us) bikes out for a spin. It's been about a year since I rode a bike and before that one day last year I think it has been like 15 years. I'm getting so old. Mostly, it was so fun as I remembered why I used to love riding my bike everwhere as a child. The part that isn't quite as fun was the aching thighs that I have right now. It's okay, I'll get used to it.

I'm so thankful for seasons. I feel sorry for those places that don't get that experience. We talk in 7th grade science about what causes the seasons. Things like the tilt of the earth, the angle of the sun, etc... What they sometimes fail to see in that is the order in the universe and on this earth. I pray that as I continue to teach them I can help them to see just how amazing the planet we live on is. I hope that as they see the amazing creativity and order in the world that they can use that to see and understand where it all came from.
In 8th grade science we're studying Creation/Evolution. It's a daunting task to share my faith and my beliefs about this subject with them. I want them to believe that the earth was Created, that God created it and that He and His creation is amazing.

I've been guilty in the past of not understanding the beauty in somethings like uhhh... snakes, insects, rocks... Each of these "creatures" has been designed for a purpose, EVEN if I don't get it.
Hopefully as I learn more about God, I'll become more in awe of Him and His creation.

Philippines Missions 2008

2008-04-08T05:40:00.000-07:00

I just spent one great week in Manila, Philippines with a group of teachers and students from my school; serving in different capacities helping out a church there. This was my second year on this trip. I'm so thankful that I was able to go there and take the focus off of myself for a week by serving in so many different ways. God used this trip to focus my thoughts and it was so amazing. I generally see my job as a ministry, but it was so good to take a break (even in a servant capacity) and get a view of God's work in other places in the world. It's such an encouragement. I like a global view. It excites me to know that God is at work and it's so amazing to be a part of it. Here are some of my favorite pictures from my trip:

Everything

2008-03-27T20:32:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving for the Philippines in just a few hours. I'm excited and a little anxious - that could be, because I haven't packed. LOL!
My group is doing a worship dance to this song...Everything by Lifehouse. It's such a powerful song and the dance is very, very powerful as well! I am making this song the prayer of my life. I want God to be my everything.
Please be praying for all our groups that are traveling today to Thailand, to the Jungles of the Philippines, and to Manila.

Here are the lyrics:
Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel You
I need to hear You
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the life
To my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this
(Ahh Yeahhh)
You calm the storms
And You give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You steal my heart
And You take my breath away
Would You take me in
Would You take me deeper, now
And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this
And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this
Cause you're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
Everything, everything...
When how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this
Oh And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better any better than this
And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this
Would You tell me how could it be
Any better than this....

Click this link to see the video of the dance we're gonna try to do. (HERE)

Resurrection Sunday Thoughts

2008-03-23T05:26:00.000-07:00

I read or heard this passage 4 times today:
"What is sown is perishable; what is raised is imperishable. It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness; it is raised in power. It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body."
1 Corinthians 15: 42 - 44
For the majority of my life I've understood the point of Easter and why we celebrated it. I believe and trust that the message is true. This year I feel drawn to the power that is in the message.
As I get older, I find myself seeking fulfillment and satisfaction in perishable things; my family, my friends, my students, my work, learning... the list could continue for some time. I also find myself sinning more, constantly battling weakness and dishonor.
That passage and the message of Easter/ Resurrection Sunday gives me hope beyond anything this world could offer. Tonight I was watching a documentary on Heaven and another about Joni Eareckson Tada (if you don't know who she is click here) I was reminded of what it is I am seeking in these earthly things, this longing I have to be fulfilled, to be loved completely, is my hearts desire to to be made perfect by Jesus. I can seek to be filled by things (even the good things of the earth) but will never be even remotely close to being fulfilled.
Through the death and resurrection of Jesus I will be filled. For now my time on earth may be lonely and it may be painful and I may feel empty, but that is my opportunity to suffer as Jesus did. In sufferings and trials, I will be able to truly understand Jesus even better and become more like Him.
Today, my prayer is that I become an amazing woman of God. Not for my own benefit, but that He may be glorified as I become more like Him. I want to lay my sinful pride, my stubborn attitude, my bitterness at His cross and praise Him for every event and non-event of my life - good and bad. His plan is perfect, He is good, His will is best. He is the "Grand Weaver" who is weaving the pattern of my life. I might not understand it now, maybe not for a long time, but I rest assured that it is going to beautiful; only if I trust Him and remember the message of the cross and the message of His resurrection.

The words of this chorus are part of my prayer:
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You
Have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the Highest
~bridge and chorus to Hosanna by Hillsong album Saviour King

Some Things I Learned on My Snow Day

2008-02-26T03:42:00.000-08:00

My friend CB and I love the list format to communicate. I think I'll pass it on to whoever reads this! :) I can see you are thrilled now.

What I learned today:
God has already provided the strength to (fill in the blank) _______________. My part is to use that strength to do what needs to be done.

Part of a new (to me) song I listened to today:
"...I will not let this bitter root grow in me... I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness..."
~Sara Groves

Quotes from the book I am reading today:
"What we fail to see in our own philosophies and psychologies and anthropologies about ourselves, we see in Christ: our own meaning and destiny. He is an x-ray mirror: when we look at Him, we see our own depth.
Christ in the answer to the question, "What is the meaning to life?" "Who are we meant to be?" The answer is that we are destined to be little Christs. The meaning of life is to be Christ."
"Those who become His disciples and are "born again" of the spirit have th same ability to startle the world that Jesus had."
~Peter Kreeft The Philosophy of Jesus

Thoughts I pondered today:
~I used to be an encourager to others, what happened?
~I thought my grandmother didn't have any real teeth... turns out she does... lol. If you want to know more, ask me later.

Reminded

2008-02-07T16:35:00.000-08:00

This morning I was reminded of my own selfishness.
I was on the blogspot homepage and came across this blog, Can of Worms, and the blogger shared about how he had been discouraged, but after meeting two very interesting fellas his thoughts were changed about his life. I like it when that happens, when new encounters change us or at least our thoughts.
I continued to scroll through his blog and his next entry was about this organization (which I found out later that he is a founder of) called Buy Shoes Save Lives. (Side note: Selfish again... I want a pair of those shoes, however my feet may be too big :( and they are kinda expensive, but I could probably forgo another couple of pair of sneakers to get one of these... we'll see.) Buy Shoes. Save Lives. is pretty neat. The shoes they sell are handmade shoes, traditionally worn by the Kurdish people. Basically it takes a group of people many hours to make one pair of shoes. 50% of the cost of the shoe goes toward heart surgeries for Iraqi children whose parents can't afford the huge expense. 50% goes back to the people who spend hours making them. They are cool. We should all get some. :)

Anyway, after reading that blog and checking out that website, I began to think about just how selfishly I live. My focus is always myself. This is a problem. This reminds me of a saying I used to hear in VBS as a child: JOY= Jesus, Others, You. Let's hope that this becomes my relentless pursuit. Jesus first, then others, then myself.

Blushing water...

2008-01-25T22:46:00.000-08:00

(In reference to Jesus changing water into wine) "The conscious water saw its master and blushed." ~ Alexander Pope

I've heard this quote several times when listening to sermons, but it wasn't until today that I truly thought about it. How powerful! It really helped me to look at my response to Jesus. Do I look at my master and blush? Is He the so much the desire of my heart that when I read of Him or hear of Him, that my heart pounds and my face becomes flushed?

O, Jesus, help me to see You today. Touch my life in such a way, that I will desire You above all else.

I've got to... Pray!

2008-01-15T03:59:00.000-08:00

So many people in my life have asked for prayer for many different issues. So many times I say I'll pray, yet I set it aside with the intention to do it, but quickly become focused on other issues that are not more important that communion with God. How easily I become distracted and focused on myself instead of those around me.
Tonight however, as I sat here checking my addiction (Facebook), reading emails and other things, I was overcome with the need to pray. So many people facing so many uncertainties, but how do I begin to pray for each of them? I don't know. Simply asking for someone to get well is good, but what if that isn't the plan that God has intended. Do I just say thy will be done and forget about it? I can't answer those questions, all I know to do is to lay those concerns and those people at the alter and trust that God will provide for each of their needs.
I read over Christmas break that, "Prayer is simply faith. ... Faith accepts the circumstances." That is easily said, but to apply that to our own lives in hard times is difficult. I do hope and pray that everyone will be able to say just that, "Faith accepts the circumstances."
Now my prayer for my friends and family will be:
"Lord You know all and understand all! I pray that my friends and family will trust You. If healing is in Your plan then may Your will be done. If it is not, may Your will be done. I pray for wisdom and strength of faith and character for all that are affected by this situation. You are in control. Lord please comfort and guide my friend."
Joshua 1:9
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

2008

2008-01-06T04:36:00.000-08:00

2008 reasons why...
Just kidding, I'm not about to type out 2008 reasons for anything. :)
It's a new year, not a new me -- not yet anyway. My prayer for the year is that, I can leave this old self behind. That my focus will be on Jesus, not myself. Pray that with me and for me!

Satisfaction

2007-12-09T04:05:00.000-08:00

Seriously I haven't updated since October 22, good thing my blog isn't ever read by anyone other than me or else, someone might've assumed that I had died. In case you secretly do read this, I'm alive. I can see the relief now. :)

Life sure has a way of pulling you to and from a place and then leaving you to feel as if you were upside down. No question about it, in my life there are struggles. Constant struggles. Struggles with health, with desire to be focused on God, with being diligent in my work, struggles to love others.
That list could drone on and on, so I'll stop.

I often feel as if I am such a failure in every area of my life. I fail to study the Word, I fail to love others, even those that I really do love, I fail in being a diligent worker, I fail to pray for those that I should be praying for, I fail to reach out to those in need.

Thankfully though, even in my struggles, even in my failures, my God has never failed me. He is faithful, loving, merciful, and gracious. He knows where the sin is in my life. He knows what a hypocrite I am. He knows what desires are in my heart. He knows when I battle hatefulness. He knows that I need Him. He doesn't let go.

Even in this time of struggle, when I choose myself first, He has yet to let go. Not only that, but He is drawing me back to Him; from the darkness, the unforgiveness, the bitterness in my life. His love is pulling me to Him, gently reminding me that He is my rock, He is my fortress, He is my strength. Reminding me that He alone loves me, He is my savior, my friend, my father. He alone is Wisdom, nothing here can surpass Him. He alone is God, nothing else will satisfy.

Jesus, Hope of the Nations
Jesus, Comfort for all who mourn
You are the Source of Heaven's hope on Earth

Jesus, Light in the Darkness
Jesus, Truth in each circumstance
You are the Source of Heaven's light on Earth

In history You lived and died
You broke the chains
You rose to life

You are the Hope

Living in Us

You are the Rock

In whom we trust

You are light
Shining for all the world to see

YOu rose from the dead
Conquering fear
Our prince of peace
Drawing us near

Title-less blog update... More pictures!

2007-10-22T21:46:00.000-07:00

We just finished our first quarter of the school year and now it's time for the dreaded Parent/Teacher conferences. I never have been excited about these. I realize their importance, but that doesn't make me excited about them. That is just part of the job that I've chosen, so I will make the most of the conferences that I can and use the free time to try to get work done.

As I sit here waiting for parents to stop in to discuss their children, I thought I'd take a minute to write a bit about what in the world has been going on. All I can say is that life is crazy busy and I'm about beat. Thankfully though, I've been able to rest on the weekends and even last night I slept for a long 11 hours. (Thank you Nyquil!) I've also been able to get in quite a bit of reading lately, thanks to my long commutes to and from the chiropractor in Seoul. It takes about an hour and a half for each trip, so I get about 3 hours to read each trip. I enjoy that. I also enjoy my back working properly again.

October is always busy and seems to go on forever. This year is no exception. We've had our annual carnival, bonfire, end of the quarter grades, parent teacher conferences, volleyball practices, volleyball games, and cross country meets. Volleyball finishes up next weekend, so I'll have a day to recover, then it will be time for basketball to start. I have enjoyed my time working with the boys volleyball team and will be sad that it is ending, but I am very excited about basketball season. It is definitely my favorite time of year.

Throughout all this business and my laziness, God has been faithful. I am so thankful. He supplies rest and encouragement exactly when it is needed. He has given me wonderful friends and coworkers who daily inspire me to be better and teach me how to live a God-filled, God-focused life. Thank you Lord!

The girls I was teaching to run the scoreboard during the guys game. And the boys volleyball team. It has been so fun to coach them!

With one of my favorite girls, who stops in to visit everyday during 7th period!

At the Carnival with Junior our best soccer customer and my roomie Dawn

At the bonfire with Abby and Joel. Then with Becca, Gracie, and Dawn

Fun times were had by all!

2007-09-30T06:17:00.000-07:00

As September comes to a close, I can say that this has been a very difficult month. Thankfully God has been faithful to grant me His amazing grace and has put people in my path who have been a very big encouragement to me. I am so blessed to serve such an amazing God who loves unconditionally. As I reflect on the past month, I realize just how faithful He has been, even when I have been far from faithful.
Through the years of my salvation, my faith has been like a constant roller coaster ride. A ride full of high peaks, low valleys and dread I say it-- loops! Those valleys are caused by my laziness, lack of trust, and inability to keep my focus where it should be, on Christ.
However, each time I take myself through one of these valleys, somehow, someway, I come out better on the other side. It makes no sense. No sense, that I, the person who drags my God through the mud, come out clean. You'd think after so many years of doing this, He would kick me to the curb and say I'm through with you. Thankfully, He hasn't. His love has been unconditional and in those times, I have learned so much.
Each time I come out clean, with a "better than ever" understanding of how unfathomable and amazing He is. Then I inevitably do the same thing again. Sometimes it is a quick cycle, other times I go and grow for a long period of time and then BAM, I'm down there again and many times I don't know how I got there. I'm thankful that I am able to learn and that God's purpose is not thwarted on account of my foolishness.
Oh, those dreaded loops, I think those are God's way of helping me to learn more. In those times He makes His faithfulness, grace, mercy, love, and peace so apparent and so available that I cannot help but to love Him even more.
I pray that just as the Psalm below says, I will seek Him, draw near, and take refuge in His counsel daily; and even when my heart and flesh fail, He will be my strength and portion forever.
Psalm 73: 21 - 26, 28
"When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within
Then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You.
Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand.
With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides you, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
...
But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.

Changes, changes...

2007-09-18T04:56:00.000-07:00

Each new school year holds its fair amount of changes. Some changes are expected, like the expectation of being in a dunk tank at a carnival as you wait for the kid with the perfect aim to hit their target. Some changes are like stubbing your toe and the effect of it takes over your entire body in an instant.
I've become accustomed to the dunk tank changes, they are just a part of life here at ICS. It is difficult, but you learn how to cope and eventually are able to move on and understand that "All things work together for the good of those who love Him."
Some changes come on so fast that you hardly know how to understand. I struggle to deal with those situations well, but God in His sovereignty knows my weaknesses, He knows my wayward heart, He knows my every thought continues to show me that every situation is under His control. I am thankful that even though I fail to make every effort to commune with Him, He still speaks to my heart.
Thank You Father for Your wisdom. May I never stop seeking for it. May I find rest in You.

Precious Abby

...

2007-09-11T05:54:00.000-07:00

So... it seems as if teaching this year is way easier. Somehow I'm managing to stay on top of things. I think it's because of my two free periods at the end of the day, HALLELUJAH! It also could be that I have wonderful TA who is grading and filing for me like a mad woman. I can't explain just how much I appreciate her hard work, I've had good TAs in the past, but it's really making a HUGE difference this year. I'm enjoying not having the stress of last minute preps for my classes.

However, even without the stress of school, I find myself struggling. I really feel as if my body is falling apart. I do trust that God is in control, but I find myself wanting to see the bigger picture. What could my body aches and pains and illnesses really do to bring glory to God? I know in my finite mind that I don't have the answers and I don't need the answers, but there is still an inward struggle that pulls me to want to curl up in my bed and just sleep away the pain. I feel like a burden to people and have taken to trying to mask the pain with busy-ness or jokes. I do not like to feel like a burden.

Thankfully, God who knows when I sit and when I rise, who knows my anxious thoughts, who knows that I just want to give in, has continually provided for me. He has provided not only for my physical needs - sent a physical therapist here, showed me to a chiropracter. He also provided for my sinking spirit by reminding me daily now for a while that He is in control, that His way is best and regardless of the circumstances I am to trust Him. He graciously reminds me that the bigger picture is beautiful, that my life is only a single piece in the 23,297,442,893,749,287 piece puzzle, that I am to trust Him and lean on Him. He is my rock and my fortress, my shield, and my defender, my ever present help in times of trouble, He alone will I trust, He alone will worship, He alone will I praise. Father forgive me when I focus on anything other than You. Thank you for your tender mercies and amazing grace.

This picture is not from me, but I found it and love it!

2007-08-22T22:01:00.000-07:00

This summer, I heard a couple of phrases that really stuck with me. The phrases were eternally significant and eternally insignificant. They are terms that we’ve probably heard before, but for some reason God really laid them on my heart. These phrases went along with seeking spiritual wisdom and discernment. God has been making it clear in my own life that I need to be discerning what is eternally significant and what is eternally insignificant. When my focus lies in the eternally significant, I feel whole or as if I’m being completed. When my focus lies in the eternally insignificant, I don’t. Examples:
** I’m 27, I’m single, I’ve never really dated anyone:
*ES – I am aware of my singleness, but I am trusting God that He knows what
is best for my life and I also believe that He is sufficient.
*EI – I am aware of my singleness and feel lonely, feel that something
is wrong with me, that God’s made a mistake. I am not trusting Him and I don’t feel that
He is sufficient.
** My body is falling apart:
*ES – I accept the pain and continue to do what is necessary without complaint
*EI – I question God as to why. I use my pain as an excuse to do less, I complain
constantly.
** We’ve been assigned a new duty at school:
*ES – we accept it and do the new duty the best we can and do it without complaint
*EI – I gripe and complain, take on the new duty, but with a terrible attitude and not with
best effort
** Our students make unwise choices:
*ES – We seek to understand why they made the poor choice, pray for them, and do our
best to guide them during this time.
*EI – We make fun of them, we talk about them with other teachers, when they come to
us we treat them with disdain, we look down on them and don’t offer to help.

There are so many more examples of this, but I feel as if we should be looking into His word, to remember where our focus should be. I found reference after reference that applied to this theme or at least were a reminder of Whom it is that we serve.

1. Psalm 103: 1 – 5, 8, 10 – 14, and 19*
2. Hebrews 6:7-12
3. Psalm 90:14 – 17
4. Psalm 19:8,14
5. Psalm 73:21 – 28
6. Psalm 51:6 – 12; 17
7. Hebrews 3:13
8. Hebrews 12: 1-2, 14 – 15
9. Hebrews 6:7 –12
10. Philippians 4:4-9
11. Ephesians 4: 25-29; 31&32
12. Ephesians 5: 19 – 21
13. Proverbs 16: 24
14. Proverbs 17:22

Focusing on the eternally significant will allows us to live in community so much easier, too. I went to a blog-site recently and saw this entry and wanted to share with you, b/c it seems to fit along with not letting circumstances lead us to be complainers.

(Click Here)

Thoughts?
~MKM

First Week's a Doozy!!!

2007-08-21T04:38:00.000-07:00

Well we're officially in our first full week of school. So far, it's been wonderful. I'm really enjoying my new schedule and my students. It seems different this year being a 4th year teacher, like I'm more prepared or something. I've already turned in my quarter plans... woah... that's crazy ahead. I'm sure that it will come to an end as soon as I start coaching full time, so for now I will enjoy it.
Thursday during our staff devotions, I'll be leading them. I'm a bit nervous. Last year at this time our speaker for spiritual emphasis week asked to do devotions during my slot... darn... lol... So, It's been almost two years since I've shared. I'm pretty certain of the message that God has laid on my heart, but that doesn't make me any less nervous.
The message that I feel like God is directing me to, is this: Focusing on eternally insignificant things rather than the eternally significant and then letting that incorrect focus leading me to having a complaining spirit.
One morning after I first got here, I woke up with those thoughts in my head (it was at 3am), I tried to go back to sleep, but it did no good, so finally about 2o minutes later, I got up and started search scripture for His word on this. It was a pretty amazing time. I found so many references that I want to use, but continue study showed me so many more that could be tied into my message. Hopefully all those jumbled thoughts will come together before Thursday morning. Here's hope.
:)

Hey there.

2007-08-17T16:53:00.000-07:00

So... another blog site... yeah, so? This is really so I can comment on several other blogger pages that I've found out about. YAY! Knowing me... once I figure all this out, I'll <3>

I'll update this more later. :)
~Kristen