So... it seems as if teaching this year is way easier. Somehow I'm managing to stay on top of things. I think it's because of my two free periods at the end of the day, HALLELUJAH! It also could be that I have wonderful TA who is grading and filing for me like a mad woman. I can't explain just how much I appreciate her hard work, I've had good TAs in the past, but it's really making a HUGE difference this year. I'm enjoying not having the stress of last minute preps for my classes.
However, even without the stress of school, I find myself struggling. I really feel as if my body is falling apart. I do trust that God is in control, but I find myself wanting to see the bigger picture. What could my body aches and pains and illnesses really do to bring glory to God? I know in my finite mind that I don't have the answers and I don't need the answers, but there is still an inward struggle that pulls me to want to curl up in my bed and just sleep away the pain. I feel like a burden to people and have taken to trying to mask the pain with busy-ness or jokes. I do not like to feel like a burden.
Thankfully, God who knows when I sit and when I rise, who knows my anxious thoughts, who knows that I just want to give in, has continually provided for me. He has provided not only for my physical needs - sent a physical therapist here, showed me to a chiropracter. He also provided for my sinking spirit by reminding me daily now for a while that He is in control, that His way is best and regardless of the circumstances I am to trust Him. He graciously reminds me that the bigger picture is beautiful, that my life is only a single piece in the 23,297,442,893,749,287 piece puzzle, that I am to trust Him and lean on Him. He is my rock and my fortress, my shield, and my defender, my ever present help in times of trouble, He alone will I trust, He alone will worship, He alone will I praise. Father forgive me when I focus on anything other than You. Thank you for your tender mercies and amazing grace.
However, even without the stress of school, I find myself struggling. I really feel as if my body is falling apart. I do trust that God is in control, but I find myself wanting to see the bigger picture. What could my body aches and pains and illnesses really do to bring glory to God? I know in my finite mind that I don't have the answers and I don't need the answers, but there is still an inward struggle that pulls me to want to curl up in my bed and just sleep away the pain. I feel like a burden to people and have taken to trying to mask the pain with busy-ness or jokes. I do not like to feel like a burden.
Thankfully, God who knows when I sit and when I rise, who knows my anxious thoughts, who knows that I just want to give in, has continually provided for me. He has provided not only for my physical needs - sent a physical therapist here, showed me to a chiropracter. He also provided for my sinking spirit by reminding me daily now for a while that He is in control, that His way is best and regardless of the circumstances I am to trust Him. He graciously reminds me that the bigger picture is beautiful, that my life is only a single piece in the 23,297,442,893,749,287 piece puzzle, that I am to trust Him and lean on Him. He is my rock and my fortress, my shield, and my defender, my ever present help in times of trouble, He alone will I trust, He alone will worship, He alone will I praise. Father forgive me when I focus on anything other than You. Thank you for your tender mercies and amazing grace.
This picture is not from me, but I found it and love it!
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