As September comes to a close, I can say that this has been a very difficult month. Thankfully God has been faithful to grant me His amazing grace and has put people in my path who have been a very big encouragement to me. I am so blessed to serve such an amazing God who loves unconditionally. As I reflect on the past month, I realize just how faithful He has been, even when I have been far from faithful.
Through the years of my salvation, my faith has been like a constant roller coaster ride. A ride full of high peaks, low valleys and dread I say it-- loops! Those valleys are caused by my laziness, lack of trust, and inability to keep my focus where it should be, on Christ.
However, each time I take myself through one of these valleys, somehow, someway, I come out better on the other side. It makes no sense. No sense, that I, the person who drags my God through the mud, come out clean. You'd think after so many years of doing this, He would kick me to the curb and say I'm through with you. Thankfully, He hasn't. His love has been unconditional and in those times, I have learned so much.
Each time I come out clean, with a "better than ever" understanding of how unfathomable and amazing He is. Then I inevitably do the same thing again. Sometimes it is a quick cycle, other times I go and grow for a long period of time and then BAM, I'm down there again and many times I don't know how I got there. I'm thankful that I am able to learn and that God's purpose is not thwarted on account of my foolishness.
Oh, those dreaded loops, I think those are God's way of helping me to learn more. In those times He makes His faithfulness, grace, mercy, love, and peace so apparent and so available that I cannot help but to love Him even more.
I pray that just as the Psalm below says, I will seek Him, draw near, and take refuge in His counsel daily; and even when my heart and flesh fail, He will be my strength and portion forever.
Psalm 73: 21 - 26, 28
"When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within
Then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before You.
Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand.
With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides you, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
...
But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.