It’s no secret, especially for those of you who know me well, that this year has been a struggle for me. I have been up and then down and then back up for a bit, then I seem to get pulled back in again. Each time I come up I feel like I’ve learned so much and that my heart is set and settled firmly in God, then something simple will happen and there I go again. Recently I’ve started to come to terms with this struggle, to accept it, to let go (even though, I thought I had already done so), but it hasn’t been without a battle.
Always faithful, God continues to speak directly to my heart through this. A couple of weeks ago a friend posted this song called “Waiting Here For You” by Christy Nockels from the most recent Passion album. Since then I can barely stop listening to it. There is just something about this song that draws me. I think it’s the reality that life on earth is temporary and in reality we are all, as believers in Christ or as non believers, waiting here for His return.
I’ve thought about this a lot this past year. It all started with the death of my Great Aunt Audrey and my Grandmother, but has continued through the school year throughout many circumstances, including this struggle I have been going through the last few months. A while back, in a conversation with another friend she said something to the effect of, these struggles certainly make you long more for eternity. That statement, I wish I could remember it better, has been at the back of my thoughts since then. It’s such a true statement, as I’ve continued in this struggle I long more and more for eternity.
Today in Sunday school, we were studying several reasons Jesus had to die. It was an interesting lesson, with my English/Korean speaking kids trying to translate to my non-English speakers. Through God’s grace, I think the basic points were translated. The reasons Jesus had to die were simple, but very profound. In order to help the students understand the first reason Jesus had to die, we went back to the story of Adam and Eve and how sin entered our world. We did our best to explain that because sin entered God’s perfectly created world, it became a part of all of our lives.
Thinking of this brought my thoughts back to this struggle that I have been going through. When we struggle we often wonder why we have to go through the circumstance and why it hurts so much. Well, the reason is, because of our sins, which have led this once perfectly created world to be in shambles. This sin in our lives separates us from God making death inescapable and making life so difficult. This separation from God has left a big void in our lives a void that we try to fill with anything and everything. However, what we try to fill it with will never fill the void, it might mask the emptiness for a short time, but all it does is provide a temporary fix. No matter how much we try, the void can only be completely filled by Jesus Christ.
So why do we long for His return? To be completely filled and to no longer hurt and to no longer have to say goodbye to those that we love, to no longer long for anything because there is nothing, absolutely nothing that can us satisfy more than God.
So on that note, I will continue to wait, in hope and expectation from the only One who can satisfy. Not waiting and hoping for some earthly event to happen. I will still battle, but I am so thankful to know, “that the Lord of all creation knows my heart, the Author of Salvation has loved me from the start.”
~Kristen
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