Sitting up watching the clock roll to midnight, I turn 31 years old. To some that seems ancient, to others I’m a youngin’, to me it seems unreal that I have reached this point in my life. Many times, I feel like I don’t have anything to show for 31 years of living but, I know this isn’t true, but I am so easily distracted and sucked into this life and forget how truly blessed I am.
Thankfully, I have been and am surrounded by people that like to remind me of what an amazing life I have. I need this reminder, because even though I know God always provides exactly what I need, I look at others with a jealous longing for what they have. I didn’t intend to become like this, but living in a world where people expect to have everything they want and need I am always bombarded by worldly things.
Not all the worldly things/ desires I have are inherently evil, but when I allowed them to consume my thoughts and make me take for granted my salvation, my relationship with Christ, and the blessings He has given, it is then evil. I’m not saying that to desire is bad, but when it consumes your thoughts it is.
This year I have experienced a lot of struggle and loss and never really had time to mourn it and process through it. This summer, God has finally allowed for that time to process. Some of the processing has been easy. I have relaxed and rested. I have read. I have sat quietly and listened. Some, not so easy. I have cried. I have remembered my struggles and loss. I have allowed the circumstances of this year to cause me to fear. My fears took ahold of me on a couple of occasions, but it was in those moments that I could only cry out to God and ask for His help.
In both instances God listened and calmed my anxiousness. In both instances, I met a peace that overwhelmed me. I’ve got a long way to go. I don’t know what my future holds, but I am learning to trust my Maker. I am learning to let go of the things that I hold dear and place them in His hands. I am learning that life is a vapor, that things become fragile, they don’t last forever. I am (slowly) learning to accept this.
God is good, His gifts are good, His ways are good, He is always faithful.
Psalm 33: 4-5 “For the word of the LORD is right and true; He is faithful in all He does. The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of His unfailing love."Life is a vapor and it’s really easy to get caught up in this place that we are only passing through, so in all the remainder of life's struggles and I need to remember this quote by Elisabeth Elliot “God is God. If He is God, He is worthy of my worship and service. I will find rest nowhere but in His will, and that will is infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to."
So today at the start of year 31, I choose to trust Him and accept all the way my Savior leads me whether the way be straight, crooked, uphill, or downhill.
One more quote from Elisabeth Elliot. “If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next. God is forever luring us up and away from this one, wooing us to Himself and His still invisible Kingdom, where we will certainly find what we so keenly long for."
~Kristen
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