Love? Really?

Recently a friend of mine, posted this video.




Recently I read 1 John 11 - 21. It says, "11Dear friends, if this is the way God loved us, we must also love each other. 12No one has ever seen God. If we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us. 13We know that we live in him and he lives in us because he has given us his Spirit. 14We have seen and testify to the fact that the Father sent his Son as the Savior of the world. 15God lives in those who declare that Jesus is the Son of God, and they live in God. 16We have known and believed that God loves us. God is love. Those who live in God’s love live in God, and God lives in them. 17God’s love has reached its goal in us. So we look ahead with confidence to the day of judgment. While we are in this world, we are exactly like him with regard to love. 18No fear exists where his love is. Rather, perfect love gets rid of fear, because fear involves punishment. The person who lives in fear doesn’t have perfect love.19We love because God loved us first. 20Whoever says, “I love God,” but hates another believer is a liar. People who don’t love other believers, whom they have seen, can’t love God, whom they have not seen. 21Christ has given us this commandment: The person who loves God must also love other believers."


When I watched that video, I thought back to that passage and realized how far I fall short of God's love, every day. I was reminded that I am generally self-seeking, impatient, easily angered, proud, unforgiving, easily offended, keeping records of wrongs. I don't trust, I usually try to protect myself rather than protecting others, and a lot of times I want to give up when relationships with people get hard. I want to take the easy way out and not deal with frustrations.

Like I said, very short of God's love. I am very open with people until I get hurt. Once I get hurt - it could be something simple, it could be far more complex - I shut down. I'm really good at giving the cold shoulder and shutting people out. I suppose it's out of the fear that they will hurt me again.

Love demands forgiveness. I understand that forgiveness is the only door to healing for pain and heartache that have been caused by others. If you took a long look into my past, my family's past, you would understand, too. I see what unforgiveness does. It tears families apart. I've seen this on many occassions in  my life. I have learned to forgive others for big, terrible events.

However, the part of forgiveness that I'm bad at, is the part where my pride gets bruised, where people didn't do things like I expected, where people who claim to be my friends, threw me to the side when something better came along, then tried to pick it back up afterwards. That's happened many times and I can count on one finger, yes one finger, where that relationship was ever restored to a functional relationship. This part is my fault though, my unforgiveness drove a wedge between those friendships. My pride too big to say, I was hurt, this is how. I'm sorry if I've done the same things to you. Instead, I keep a record, an on going list of wrongs. You did this, why don't you ever do this, why do I always have to be the one to do this?

Like I said, I fail at God's love.

Thankfully, His love never fails. Thankfully He is constantly at work in my heart, reminding me that though I fail, He doesn't. Though my sins - my pride, my unforgiveness, my lack of love, and so many more - pierced Him to the cross, He has forgiven.

His love is like this:
1 Corinthians 13
1If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. 4Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. 11When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 12For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.




So, today I will start anew. Today I will let go, no more records of wrong, no more pride. I am letting go, I am forgiving. If you read this, please pray this for me - that I really can let go, that I really can forgive, that I'll lay my pride by my side, and love.