Saturday, May 7, 2011

It’s not about you, Kristen…

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. The last time I blogged, I was in a deep struggle, it started out with a trivial matter that unraveled into this whirlwind of brokenness and emptying of myself. However, as a measure of His great grace and mercy, God used those weeks (which felt like months and years) to empty me so that I might be filled with Him.

In the months that have followed, there has been a constant battle within me, a roller coaster of sorts. Some days  have been good, while others were just pure misery. I kind of got stuck in a pattern of going through the motions, just letting the time pass until I could go home and heal.

As life happened, God began to put a message in my heart. A message to myself, a message that I shared during staff devotions a couple of weeks ago. The message even further pressed into my thoughts as Easter rolled around and I was reminded of Jesus. Of His great sacrifice. Of the hope of His resurrection. The message…

My life is not my own, I was bought with a price. I am alive because of Him and His grand plan. I no longer live for Kristen, but I live for Jesus.  Therefore, I need to stop living in this rut, I need to remember my calling and get to work.

I may not fully understand my previously mentioned struggle, but I do know that part of it was to reveal in me, just where my heart was and who it was that I was living for. I fully intended to be living for Him, but too often it is for me…

(Funny that the first line of the song that JUST came on says, “I’m the great pretender, I act out my life like I’m the star of the play…”)

Recently the wound from before was reopened. It hurt a little, not as bad as before, but that sting of pain helped me to get refocused again. And almost immediately (as before) God revealed Himself to me. This time a quote from a dear colleague, friend, & brother in Christ got the message to me. The quote, “Take care of the things that are dear to God, and He will take care of the things that are dear to you.”

That quote shifted my focus and reminded me of the message that God had put on my heart before. My life is not about me. According to scripture, I was dead in my sin, but because of His great love I am alive. And for some unknown reason He chose to call me and use me. He’s asked me to care for what is dear to Him. Am I doing that? If I’m focused on Kristen and making her happy, then no. If I’m focused on Him and living my life to make His name known in this world, then Yes.

Question of the day: Am I taking care of the things of God? Do I trust that He will take care of that things that are dear to me?

Here is the devotion I shared with the staff. It’s pretty explanatory, but if you need further explaination, just ask!  Push the play/forward button to start the show!

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