Rewired

I've not been inspired to write in an awfully long time. I've been in this strange place, where words fail me. I've just been going through the motions of life, not really feeling a whole lot along the way. Just doing what needed to be done. Neglecting to feed on What I needed most. I've been in this place and I've come to an impass, I can no longer do it on my own. I must reach out for help from my Helper.

I know it's not necessary to try and do it all on my own, but it seems to be in my wiring. But it's time to rewire. You see my focus has been on me. Focusing on me has only resulted in this jumbled up mess of wire (you know the kind that you see behind 99% of the worlds computers and home theater systems, the kind that is hard to untangle.)

A realization of my messy wiring came about a month ago in a couple of different conversations. I knew I wasn't really enjoying most things, but I just chalked it up to busyness and used thoughts of vacation to perk me up. Thankfully though, those conversations have been a catalyst for change in my life. It didn't result in a dramatic change, but it has helped me to think a little differently, particularly about a big event that is on the horizon - this week in fact. And they were the motivation to begin preparing, even though I feel like I'll never be prepared enough.

God has used this preparation to spark some deep thoughts about myself and my relationship wth Him. I do desire to know Him fully, but I haven't been living as if I do. I do desire to live/work peacefully with others, but have been consumed with how things affect me, rather than being consumed by Jesus Christ.

My life is not my own, yet I keep trying to live it like it is. My life is for Him alone, yet I keep trying to give it to others.

This morning the sermon was called Cleaning House. The message was about Jesus cleaning the temple enraged by the fact that the people had turned it into a place to make money instead of the place of worship that it was intended to be. The message was taken from John 2: 12 - 25. At the end of the passage, it says this "²³While Jesus was in Jerusalem at the Passover festival, many people believed in him because they saw the miracles that he performed. ²⁴Jesus, however, was wary of these believers. He understood people ²⁵and didn’t need anyone to tell him about human nature. He knew what people were really like."
I love this reminder that Jesus knows men's hearts. That means He knows mine. That means that even though I've been "going through the motions", He knew where my heart was. He knew that it was time for a "rewiring" or a "house cleaning."
I'm thankful that He lovingly disciplines us, or in the case of the temple cleaning angrily makes it clear that we are in the wrong. Without this type of cleaning, what would become of us? If I had continued just going through the motions, what would've become of me? Eventually, it would lead to despair and destruction.
So many believers, need rewiring, too. Without it, people begin to make choices that lead them to destruction. A little laziness here. A little lie there. A little touch here. A little always grows to a lot. It's part of our human nature. We always want something else. We always want more. We don't need more. We need Jesus only.

I don't want to live that way. I want to choose today and every day to live rewired. It won't be easy, but I choose today to take the step that will draw me closer to my Helper. I choose today to focus on Jesus. He is all that I need.