Sunday, September 15, 2013


I've been thinking about how God reaches out to us. Not only does he reach out to us, but He does so in a way that is intimate and shows His complete understanding of us. I'm sure that many of you already understand this, but this summer God began making it very clear to me.
I have been in the middle of a decision making process since about April. My original thought began to change toward the end of May, and by the time I was home during the summer I knew what decision I had to make. I fought that decision, because it hurt. I fought it because I am going to have to let go of some things and people that I dearly, dearly love. I have accepted it and I am trying my best to embrace it. However, if you know me well enough, you know that Change and I are not good friends.  Occasionally, I even feel some excitement for the future, but mostly I grieve. Some other time I'll explain this decision. For now, I'll leave you wondering. Some people, just need to find out face to face first. :) 

So anyway, this decision making process has really opened my eyes to see just how much God knows and understands me. Just how He reaches into my life and works there. It shows me how deeply He loves and cares for me. It has been good because there are times that I struggle with the belief that He really cares about the things that are important to me.
I've grown up in church, I've heard that God loves me. I know that He died on the cross to save me. I believe that He died and rose again, but for some reason there are times that I don't trust Him completely. I generally don't say that out loud. It's frowned upon in most Christian circles, but let's be honest, it's the truth. You can see this truth in the way that many Christians live their lives. For me, I have complete trust in some aspects of my life. In other aspects, I find myself gripping on to things that I think I can control. Over the years God has broken me, but has always been there to put the pieces back together. Afterwards, I'm always better because of the brokenness. 
This summer through many different resources God has been showing me just how much He knows, understands and loves me. I'm learning to walk each day in trust, knowing that I am truly known by God. This knowledge has given me a peace that I do not understand as I walk amidst change. I know that each step of the way, I am not alone. He is there. Before I even take a step, He is working in my heart to prepare me for what lies ahead. Because of His understanding and His love, I am able to take each step knowing that it's going to be okay. Looking too far ahead, I panic. Looking behind, I begin to question this decision - when I know for certain God has made Himself clear and I begin to idolize the things that I love. So, I'm going to wait for His signal to move. While I'm waiting for the next step, I'm going to keep myself in His word, studying more about Him - letting Him prepare my heart.

Ok - here is a weird science teacher analogy. We have been studying Mitosis (Cell Division) in my Anatomy Class. There are different steps during the process that basically move the cell toward division. Prior to mitosis - which is the part of the cell cycle where the nucleus divides - the cell goes through a long stage called Interphase - where the cell prepares for cell division. 
I feel like my life, at this moment, is in a kind of interphase. God did some work to get me to this point, now He is preparing me for the next phase. This interphase is important, because during this time God will teach me about Himself and myself; all the while preparing me for the next step. 

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