Saying Goodbye (Emotional Roller Coaster Week)

This week started off with some heart wrenching news that has led me through a roller coaster of emotions. One of my beloved teachers had unexpectedly passed away. My heart aches for his family and I pray that this precious family will find closure and that God will be more present than ever through this tragedy. While this has been devastating, it has been pretty amazing to read all the comments and posts on Facebook from so many of my schoolmates and former teachers. What an encouragement it must be for his family to know how much he was loved! .
Thinking back on the years that I knew Coach- through junior high and high school - brought me on a pleasant journey down Memory Lane. Of course reading all the posts on FB brought a lot of things to mind. It seems like centuries ago, but what I remember most was his smile and his encouragement. I shared with his son, who is one my dearest friends, my favorite memory which actually was from this past summer. This is what I shared,

 "Thinking back through many teachers, I can remember quite a few who I would consider my favorites, but Coach is the one teacher that I reminisce about the most. It’s really hard to give one special memory of such a great teacher. I remember things like boards full of notes and words of warning, “Boy, you better close your mouth…” – of course he never said those things to me, those warnings were always for other students.J  I remember his smile and his laughter. I remember an encouraging teacher. This list could continue, but my fondest memory is more recent. I had lost contact with Coach during my college years, but sometime toward the end of those years I ran into him at a store or something. When he found out that I had become a teacher and that I was planning on teaching in South Korea, he was overjoyed. Then this past summer, when I was home visiting, I learned that he and Mrs. Cindy were living just down the road from my parents in Crawfordsville, I got his phone number and gave him a call. When he figured out who I was, he seemed so happy. As our conversation continued I told him that I was still teaching in Korea and that I was teaching middle school and high school science. The pride in his voice was so overwhelming and of course that led to talk of the wonders of science and God’s creation. The conversation was short, but it was such an encouragement to me and now it is a memory that I will cherish for years to come. I hope as I continue to be a teacher that I can have the same type of impact on my students as he had on his."

On Saturday, there will be a memorial service for him. I wish I could be there, but one of the hazards of living and teaching overseas is being away from important events. Some days it is really hard to be far away.

Besides this tragic news I'm in a bit of a emotional battle - torn between wanting to be home with my family and friends and not wanting to say goodbye to our Seniors and some other precious students who will be leaving our school this year. It has been hard to say goodbye in the past, but I think this year might actually be the hardest for me. (Although, I think I've said that every year...) I have spent the last 6 years teaching and coaching many of these students.  They are precious to me.  Letting them go hurts, saying goodbye hurts.
One of my colleagues who is also leaving our school and church, shared on Sunday something to the effect of, 'goodbyes are hard, but we should be thankful that we've had the kind of relationships that hurt to let go of'- I'm pretty sure I botched that "semi" quote, lol, but I think you get the drift.

 

Then to end this roller coaster week, I was basically told this morning that I won't be coaching volleyball (in any capacity) to a group of girls that I have been working with for many years. After coming off of a very difficult season, which brought my girls and I closer together, it's feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. But what can you do when new "mandates" make you choose between two loves? I know my girls will be fine and their new coach is probably much better suited for coaching volleyball, but I was made to feel like my efforts have been in vain. I've struggled through this day, which should have been a happy occasion - you know the last full day of school and classes. Thankfully I have a prayer warrior Momma, who knows how sensitive I am (which I hate by the way) and when I told her she immediately began praying - through a text message (I am so thankful for modern technology and the easy communication). Then my dear chingoo (friend in Korean) stopped by and once she realized I wasn't doing so well began to offer her listening ear. I'm thankful that God provides people to bring comfort in disappointment. 

To continue the loops and turns of this emotional roller coaster ride, my downhill changed direction as we had our annual "Yearbook Signing Party", to end the day. I got my super great yearbook, made by Chingoo and her yearbook class, and the pages began to fill up with signatures. After a while, I headed home to prepare dinner for some precious Seniors. We had taco salad and some dessert, while we chatted, listened to music, and signed yearbooks. My time with them was definitely the highlight of my day. Thinking about saying goodbye to these amazing kids makes me sad, but I'm also so proud of them and so excited to see what their future holds. I sat down after they left and began to read through my yearbook. Their sweet words were so encouraging to me. 

Thinking about Coach, the graduates of 2013, and things I love to do ~ I am reminded that it hurts to say goodbye, to let go; but it is necessary part of life. Through the pain of letting go and the aching emptiness you feel when you must say goodbye we know that something isn't right. As a believer, I know that one day it will all be made right. Those voids left by loved ones will be filled completely. We will be whole. My prayer is that all will know this truth.