Good Enough

 We live in a world that tells us that we should pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and be dependent on no one but ourselves.  That's just what good people do, right? They battle, they fight, they never admit that they need help or that God forbid they have failed. 

Our success is measured by how much money we have, how many friends we have, how we appear to those around us.If we own up to our lack of success, our needs that we can't supply ourselves, or our failures as humans we are shunned or looked down upon by the "successful." 

It's a hard world to live in. Especially this one built upon false pretense. Having the nicest of things is great, but it shouldn't measure our success. This is not a new message. Unfortunately, it's one that is pushed by society. Not just here in America, but all over the world. 

Don't let people in on your struggles.  Don't ask for help. Pretend you've got it all together. Suffer in silence. 

I can't. 

I may not fit in with the norm, but I'm all for honesty and being open about our struggles, our fears, our needs. I'm not really good at pretending to be something I'm not. I come by that honestly.  

This lesson about being open and honest with real life has always been my thing- because I don't have a good poker face- but I gathered a better understanding of it when I watched my Mom fight her 3 year cancer battle. 

Being open and honest allowed others to demonstrate their love for Jesus and for her. I can't describe to you how blessed we were by the support we received. Prayer. Food. Gifts. Money. It was overwhelming and wonderful to see God's love being poured out on Momma. It overflowed and encouraged all around us. I will NEVER forget.

After losing mom, 3 years ago in February,  I've witnessed this blessing of God in my own life, on so many occasions. I struggle financially. Pretty much everyone around me knows b/c I'm a worrier and I worry out loud often- but this is because this culture of I've got to take care of this myself and I feel like a failure because I can't, is ingrained in me.

I chose to be obedient to the Lord and didn't take a job that would provide more financial security. I don't have a spouse to help split the bills- I'm not going to chase that either.  If the Lord wills it, it will happen. 

So for now, I struggle to pay all the bills that life brings about. (Doctors, vet, taxes, there is always something) I try to save and be a good steward of the things the Lord has given me, but on my own it's a struggle.  This is where trust comes in, I have to trust that the Lord will provide. 

The thing is, He does. He has. Over and over again. I don't deserve His goodness. I don't deserve His kindness and love. Yet, because I'm His child, He lavishes these things on me. Even though I usually fail to rest in Him and trust that He will provide for my needs. He still does, my lack of faithfulness doesn't make His faithfulness null. 

In fact, in the last two weeks, He has demonstrated His kindness to me through so many people. I praise God for them and kindness. 

I may never be wealthy or even have enough to cover the bills. I may be single forever. I will encounter more loss and pain. I will have health problems. Life won't be easy. Trusting God and being obedient won't miraculously make things better or perfect.  

Even so, I will continue to trust God. I will continue to wrestle to break away from this pride and worry that infect my life, because He is worth it. Even if He never provides another thing. He is worthy of all my trust. With all my life.