To the Girl Without Her Mom on Mother's Day

It's been a long while since I've had the desire to write, but this has been rolling around in my head for a few days now, so prayerfully I can voice my heart and encourage you as you read this. I don't have a clue who will read this, but I do have some friends who come to mind as I consider Mother's Day this Sunday. I am praying for them and I am praying for you, if you are reading this and can resonate.

So. To the Girl without a Mom on Mother's Day. To the one who is experiencing her first holiday without her, or her third - like me. My situation may not even be the same as you. You might not feel the void like I do, but maybe you do. If so, this is for you.

Here are some things that I have learned in my three go arounds.
1. It's okay to cry and be sad. You don't have to let it go. You don't have to be okay. People may make you feel like you have to pull up your big girl panties and move on right away. You will. When you are ready. Personal grief has it's own timeline. You'll know when you start to heal. It will look different for each person. So I can't tell you how it will work. I can just tell you that healing comes, but the ache for your Momma doesn't go away. It hits you out of the blue. Some people dream. I did. They were wonderful, and then I woke up. Reality kind of takes your breath away - and not the good way. So be you. Cry. Be sad. Mourn. It's okay. the Bible teaches us that those who mourn will be comforted. I'm sure I just took that out of context, but it's true in this case, too. When I give my broken heart and my grief over to the One who cares the most about it, that's when healing begins. I know from my own experience. I'm so thankful and so encouraged to know the Lord will redeem (use) everything. Even my grief. Even your grief. You just have to allow Him to work. It's not always pretty and boy does it hurt, but it's good. BUT IT'S GOOD.

2.  Mr. Rogers (you know Mr. Rogers - the guy with the puppets and cardigan) said, in times of crisis look for the helpers (Or something like that, I'm too lazy to google the actual quote). We've been doing a lot of that in the past two months, thanks to this virus fiasco. I'm so grateful for them during this time and I'm so grateful for those who have helped me through my personal crisis, they still do. They are God sent, sometimes they stick around for a long time, sometimes God takes them or moves them, but they are there when you need it.

3. You are not alone. I'll say it again. You are not alone. You are not alone. Don't listen to the lie that you are. Yes, you may be single, you may not have children, you may be a caregiver and you feel like the only one who cares. You may have family who is far apart.  You may be a mom yourself, with a busy family to care for. You may literally be the only person left in your family, but YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If you are a believer and child of God, Your Savior is the reason you wake up each day and He is carrying you through - even if at the time you can't tell. You'll figure it out eventually.  If you are not a believer and child of God, He is right there waiting for you. You don't have to be alone. If you want to know more about that, let me know. I'd love to help you. Not only is God with you, but you have friends who genuinely do care. They want to be let in. Be real with them and those true friends will walk with you a long your journey.

4. It's okay to heal. After mom died, the first time I laughed at something, I felt so guilty. The first time I allowed myself to enjoy something, I felt guilty. In fact, just two days ago, I was walking through Kroger and I noticed all the flowers. I said to the florist, wow it looks like a flower explosion in here. I walked on thinking, why are there so many flowers. (Sometime I'm dumb, just forgive me.) Then as I came back through the flowers, it hit me  (really hard) "Oh. It's Mother's Day this weekend." That night I started to get really emotional and ended up having a panic attack, which woke me from my sleep. The next day, I was just so sad. Last night, before I went to bed, I made a deliberate effort to sit and journal my heart to the Lord. It was refreshing and today, I know that healing has taken place. Clearly, I can't heal myself, but I know who can. I pray that you who is actually reading this will turn to God for true healin
g. It may not be grief at Mother's Day. It may be grief at losing a job, or grieving the dreams that you had for your life that never came to fruition. It could be anything really. Healing can be found, but you can't do it yourself. Seek the Lord. He's in the healing business. Not just the physical stuff, but the heart stuff.

On this Mother's Day, whether your 1st, 3rd, or 33rd. Remember your Mom. Be thankful for her. Mention her name. Share her photo. Celebrate her and then celebrate those who are helping you and caring for you in her place.


Kristen