Anything

So, I've been reading this book. I started it during my trip to the Philippines, but just finished tonight. It has been a powerful source in my life in the last two weeks, causing me to take a closer look at my faith and my hopes for the future. I bought it after a discussion with a friend, who was doing a Bible study by the same author. I had it for two weeks, but never got around to reading it.
Then one morning, the second day of our girl's retreat in the Philippines, I woke up early and started reading it. I was floored.  What I read was exactly what I had taught on the first day of our retreat. I moved on to the second chapter and wouldn't you know, it was pretty much the message I was going to share that day.
I don't necessarily believe in coincidence, so I'm pretty certain this was a message from God. The girl's retreat theme was about confidence, living the life that God has planned for you. I wasn't expecting a book titled, Anything, to be about the same thing. Sure enough, the first two chapters fit perfectly into the confident theme for the retreat. Encouraging me and inspiring me to share even more passionately how it is important for girls/women to put their trust fully in Christ, so that they can boldly lead the lives that He intended for them.
Personally, confidence is an area where I struggle. I worry about people's opinions of me, I struggle with fear and worry about many things in life. I'm not bold about sharing my faith. I'm concerned with what I look like, albeit not enough to get me off the couch to go exercise right now. I'm afraid that people will see how lazy I am, that someone will come in and see my pile of dishes that I am too lazy to wash tonight, or those dirty socks in my floor.
I believe that confidence for a believer is based upon how much they trust God. Clearly this is an area where God must work and I believe He will. Scripture says that even a little faith can move mountains (remember the mustard seed - Matthew 17:20). If you've ever seen a mustard seed, you'd know that it's not much. It's about the size of period at the end of a sentence. To truly trust in God, I need to let go of the things I cling to for comfort and safety.
That's one of the big points in the Anything book I was reading. The full title of the book is Anything: The Prayer That Unlocked My God and My Soul by Jennie Allen. Basically the book is the story of how she let go of the things that trapped her and her family in the "normal" life so that they could be obedient to what God was calling them to. The normal life being the desire to have the big house, the fancy car, the family, the dream of many Americans. Nothing is wrong with any of those things, but when they become what we are concerned with rather than what God's will is, then they are wrong.
For me personally "normal" would be to be married, to have a family of my own, serving here in Korea or wherever God might call me. I don't really have desires to have a fancy house, lots of money, a fancy car (although, if God did just give me a big pickup truck, I wouldn't argue), an easy life. Unfortunately, my normal calls me often and there are times I think I'd give anything to have that part of my life fulfilled. I usually fade in and out of this, some days (weeks) wanting that, then I'm reminded that the life that I lead now is actually kind of amazing and I know that if I were to have my "normal", I wouldn't have the freedom to serve in the capacity that I do.
The book goes on to talk about praying Anything to God. Saying to Him, God I will do anything that you ask of me. Whatever it is, I'm all in. The writer explains that this didn't happen all at once, but over a two year time frame God began working. Starting by breaking her free from the bondage of her desire to be normal. She became unsettled and eventually realized that God was calling her to a different kind of life. She had to let go of her concern about what others thought of her. Then she and her husband began to pray, "God, anything. What is it you want us to do?"
It's an amazing book and if you are like me, wanting to go deeper with God, it's a good place to start. God has started stirring me, waking me up to the truth that I've been missing about my relationship with Him. He's got a lot of chains to break through. He's got to break my grip from the things that I've been clinging to for safety and comfort. It's a scary thing, but it's exciting all at the same time.
Please pray with me, that I will boldly step out into His plan. Pray that I won't be like Annais and Sapphira (Acts 5), who were willing to give up their money to the Way, but were afraid to give it all up. So they stashed part of it, then said "Here you go, it's all we have." Pray that I will be willing to give it all up for my Savior, that all of my life will be for Him and that I won't hold anything back.